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Arizona Cardinals Jokes  

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  • If you have a car containing a Cardinals wide receiver, a Cardinals linebacker, and a Cardinals defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What does a Arizona Cardinals fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • What do the Arizona Cardinals and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • Why are Arizona Cardinals jokes getting dumber and dumber? Because Cardinals fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What is a Arizona Cardinals fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat the 49ers."
  • How do you stop an Arizona Cardinals fan from beating his wife? Dress her in a Seahawks jersey!
  • How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out!
  • Want to hear a Cardinals joke? Carson Palmer!
  • Did you hear that Arizona's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • What do you call an Arizona Cardinal with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • How do you stop an Arizona Cardinals fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Yellow!
  • What is the new Cardinals official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • How do you keep a Cardinals fan from masterbating? You paint his dick St Louis Millennium blue & new century gold and he won't beat it for years!
  • Why should the Cardinals pay more attention to Anquan Boldin's trade demands? He's been hanging out with Plaxico Burress!
  • What does an Arizona Cardinals fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • What's the difference between an Arizona Cardinals fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Arizona Cardinals football games.
  • Q. Why do ducks fly over University of Phoenix stadium upside down?
  • What did the Arizona Cardinals fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • What do you call a Cardinals fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • A. There's nothing worth craping on!
  • Did you hear about the blonde burglar? He broke into the Arizona Cardinals' trophy room.
  • Why doesn't Tucson have a professional football team? Because then Phoenix would want one.
  • What's the difference between Arizona Cardinals fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • Why are so many Arizona Cardinals players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • What's the difference between Arizona Cardinals fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • How many Cardinals fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in San Francisco's shadow!
  • How many Arizona Cardinals fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What is the difference between a Cardinals fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • Why do the Arizona Cardinals want to change their name to the Arizona Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • What do you call an Arizona Cardinal in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • How do you recognize an Cardinals player in a department store? He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • Why do Arizona Cardinals fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • What do the Cardinals and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Cardinals? It's like having an extra bye week.
  • What happened after Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner announced his retirement from football? Brett Favre called him a quitter!
  • How do you casterate an Arizona Cardinals fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • Where do you go in Phoenix in case of a tornado? University of Phoenix Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
  • How do you keep a Cardinals fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Seahawks blue and green and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • How do you know the Arizona State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Glendale. For the first offense, they give you two Arizona Cardinals tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What do the Arizona Cardinals and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • How do you know the Arizona State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Arizona. For the first offense, they give you two Cardinals tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What is a Arizona Cardinals fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Pittsburgh."
  • What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • How do the Cardinals spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • A. The cow fell on him!
  • What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60? Four Cardinals fans watching a football game.
  • Q. How are the Cardinals like my neighbors?
  • What did the Steelers say to the Cardinals? Look at my Super bowl Ring
  • Why did hell freeze over January 2, 1999? Because the Cardinals were playing a playoff game that day.
  • Did you hear about the joke that Carson Palmer told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • What's the best part about dating a Cardinals fan? She won't be asking for a ring!
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Arizona Cardinals.
  • What should you do if you find three Arizona Cardinals football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What do the Cardinals and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • Why is Carson Palmer like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • What happened after the Arizona Cardinals lost in the playoffs? Kurt Warner asked the team whether they wanted paper of plastic!
  • A. They can't pick up a single yard!
  • How many Cardinals fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in the Seahawks shadow!
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Arizona? A tourist. Just kidding, Arizona girls are Hot!
  • How do you know the Cardinals had a 8-8 record this year? 8 arrests and 8 convictions.
  • Why can't Carson Palmer use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Arizona Cardinals fan? The bucket.
  • What do the Arizona Cardinals and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What's the difference between the Arizona Cardinals and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • Why does President Obama want to send Cardinals QB Carson Palmer to Syria? The CIA are convinced Carson is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
  • How many Arizona Cardinals does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • How do you keep an Arizona Cardinal out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • Why can't Carson Palmer use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.