Funny Inspirational Quotes
My kids love to read funny inspirational quotes. One time my daughter made up her own inspirational quote. It was funny.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. Thomas Eddison
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin
Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. Tom Lehrer
What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight of the dog.
Coach Bear Bryant
No day should pass without something being done.
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. Isaac Asimov
Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor. Truman Capote
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. Zig Ziglar
If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. Dalai Lama
Change is not a four letter word… but often your reaction to it is!8 Jeffrey Gitomer
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin
You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club. Jack London
If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Donald Trump
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. Kyle Chandler
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. Albert Einstein
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. 6A. A. Milne
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. 6Unknown
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Mark Twain
Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell. Bill Copeland
Follow your passion, stay true to yourself, never follow someone else’s path unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path then by all means you should follow that. Ellen Degeneres8
Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.
- Vaclav Havel
I never did give them hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell.
- Harry S Truman
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
- Mark Twain
I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
- Mark Twain
When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’Sydney Harris
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
Well-behaved women seldom make history. Laurel Thatcher Ulrich,
If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. Marie Osmond
There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. Roger Staubach
Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop. Unknown
A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
- Milton Berle
It's okay to look at the past and the future. Just don't stare.
There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.
- Jeph Jacques
Laughter is a weapon of mass construction.
- Kat Caverly
I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored. Louis C. K.
Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can. Danny Kaye
If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big. Tom Hirshfield
There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want. Bill Watterson
If you end up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it. Frank Zappa
If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. Unkown
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches. Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats. Voltaire
I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong. Benjamin Franklin
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing ’til it gets there. Josh Billings
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye. Cathy Guisewite
Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen. Unknown
Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schulz
Edison failed 10, 000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times. Napoleon Hill
Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished: If you’re alive it isn’t. Richard Bach
I’ll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that’s probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess. Cassandra Duffy
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. Robert Frost
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. Dave Barry
Whoever said, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose that counts,’ probably lost. Martina Navratilova
If you fall, I’ll always be there. The Floor
Focus, focus, focus! What am I, a telescope?! Naruto Uzumaki
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. Steven Wright
I tell men, unless they look like a model themselves, they can't expect to land one.”
― Trisha Ventker, Internet Dates from Hell
― Katina Ferguson
― Louis C.K.
― Donald Gorman, Paradox
― Cassandra Duffy
So we could rest from laughing.”
― Nelson M. Lubao
― Jeff Somers, The Terminal State
“Real mothers don't just listen with humble embarrassment to the elderly lady who offers unsolicited advice in the checkout line when a child is throwing a tantrum. We take the child, dump him in the lady's cart, and say, "Great. Maybe you can do a better job."
Real mothers know that it's okay to eat cold pizza for breakfast.
When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.
- Henri Matisse
Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.
- La Rochefoucald
If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.
- Elvis Presley
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
- Will Rogers
Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.”
― Jodi Picoult, House Rules
― Haresh Daswani
― Ion Luca Caragiale
― Paula Wall, If I Were a Man, I'd Marry Me
― Arnold Bennett, The Title: A Comedy in Three Acts
― Mark Alders
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding
― Gerard de Marigny, The Watchman of Ephraim
― Jeffrey Gitomer, Jeffrey Gitomer's Little Book of Leadership: The 12.5 Strengths of Responsible, Reliable, Remarkable Leaders That Create Results, Rewards, and Resilience
― Anne Stuart, Ruthless
You are what you it.
There are no mistakes."
― Tom Robbins
― New York Magazine
― Brent Weeks, The Way of Shadows
- Michael Jackson”
― Michael Jackson, Beat It: Five Finger Piano, Sheet
― Stephen Colbert
― Kim Gatlin, Good Christian Bitches
― Sarah Weeks, So B. It
She prayed hard and she meant what she said. But God was busy that autumn as the International Brigade came back, defeated, from Spain, Hitler's bestialities increased, and sparrows everywhere continued to fall.”
― Eva Ibbotson, The Morning Gift
― Nick Hornby, About a Boy
― William J. Bennett, The Death of Outrage: Bill Clinton and the Assault on American Ideals
― Paula Wall, The Rock Orchard
― Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
― Jeff Lyon
― Erica Goros
― Philosopher 'X'
― David Sedaris, Naked
― Paula Wall, The Rock Orchard
― Delilah Marvelle, Mistress of Pleasure
― Mark Twain
― Jim Rose
― Cassandra Duffy
― Steven Charles
― Ernest Hemingway
― Dave Horowitz
― Duke Nukem
Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.
James B. Conant