am so glad the final Bachelor aired last night, but was it necessary
for it to be THREE hours? That was unreal. I just fell asleep at
work. The entire middle hour could have been cut out. All they kept
doing was asking Krisily and Sara how the were feeling...well, let's
think, they've been waiting for months to see if they were going
to be chosen, and now it's going to be on National TV. How would
Hats off to Charlie. I've been ripping him all season, but he really
impressed me last night. Not his simpleton sentences, or dumb accent,
but his emotional response to the pressure of the show. He appeared
genuine and kind. I thought that was extremely classy to let Krisily
get the boot in private. And, boy, did she surprise me! I thought
she would literally crack in half, but she held it together like
a champ. She was actually my favorite last night.
I have nothing to say about Sara b/c she is just dull in my opinion.
They didn't even seem to like each other. Did anyone catch today's
headlines? I bet it's about them breaking up already. I give it
Quote of the week, and the whole season for that matter: "Try
before you buy!" - Nana, Krisily's grandmother on having premarital
I want to say thanks to Z for allowing me to share my wacky opinion
every week And a big thank you to all those who read this column...I
loved hearing your feedback!!! To my Bachelor buddies: Ann, Court,
and Barb...Mondays will never be the same. I loved all of our chats,
great meals, and down-right, pee-in -your-pants laughs throughout
the last seven seasons. Although we will always have a "girls
night out/in," I will forever cherish our Bachelor/Bachelorette
nights! In true Bachelor form, I say to you, "This was the
most amazing journey ever!" I love you guys!
course, this week was the "Women Tell All" show, which
typically does not excite me. Perhaps I am beginning to take this
crap too seriously, because I started to get really disappointed
with those BE-ATCHES! Who do they think they are? Danucksha, or
whatever the hell her name is, kept ripping on girls who she thought
have weight to lose-note to self
Pudgy girls who are nice get
farther in life than bitchy model-wannabes. And the bathing suit
model by day, government PI by night continued her charade-did she
honestly think we would believe headquarters called her during the
filming of the bachelor? Oh yeah, and undercover government investigators
don't need a part-time gig modeling bathing suits. They make six
figures, and guess what? They don't ever tell their true assignments.
Remember Meet the Parents? Christine-go with exotic flower collector,
it worked for DeNiro.
of "Women Tell All," I think this episode should have
been called, "Women Tell Sara W. to Shut the Hell Up."
Someone needed to sew her lips shut. She's going to hit China with
all that digging. Get it? Digging a hole to China? Whatever. What's
with the so-called dating rotation? She goes on five dates a week
with different guys? Of all the dates I've been on, I'd say about
75% are not that great. Sara, you spend 75% of your time with guys
you don't really like having an okay time? Just to get free meals
and save money in your bank account? Try moonlighting as a bathing
suit model or become a private eye for the government. I hear they
make good money.
this with absolutely NO emotion: "I have no patience for women
who get emotional and dramatic. Drama doesn't interest me."
- Danucksha, or whatever the hell her name is. Honey, we know, you
don't have emotions b/c you are a robot.
the girl with the bad prom dress "Have you taken one too many
rides on the Coo Coo Canuku bus?" (In response to Sara W's
"Before I release the hounds of hell
to, oh, just about everybody!)
"Men-RUN!" (speaking of Sara W's "rotation")
W. "I don't want to sound cocky" "I'm kind of a diva
if it comes down to it." "I've been dealing with this
since 1st grade, people hating me because I'm pretty." "If
only I were a little bit uglier and less noticeable." Give
me a break! If you don't want to sound cocky, SHUT THE HELL UP!
had some funny quotes, in fact, she was my favorite
not Miss Congeniality, it's the Bachelor" "You're (Sara
W) not as attractive as you think you are." And, my personal
favorite, "Perhaps you (Sara W) should spend less time looking
in the mirror and start looking at what's inside and your self-imposed
supremecy that you spew on everyone." Talk about hitting the
nail on the head.
gets honorable mention-she's the only girl who knows what the heck
she is talking about. Guys--try and get in on her rotation. She's
the only keeper in the bunch.
is a tie for Quote of the Week, both from the Bachelor himself:
"She (Christine) turned into a Nutty Buddy, and it's never
been my favorite candy bar." And "Kimberly said she's
comfortable with her sexuality-I'm still trying to figure out if
I'm comfortable with Kimberly's sexuality." And the laughs
has been such an exciting week where Bachelors and Bachelorettes
are concerned. My buddies and I ran into Wendell (remember from
the 'Rette with Jen Scheft) and Ben (also from Jen's show--the ski
instructor) at Cafe Babareeba last night. You would have thought
they were Tom Cruise and George Clooney. Wendell and Ben were with
two cute blondes who wouldn't have given them the time of day had
they not been on national television. When the chicks left the table
together to go to the washroom, five of us (me, Ann (it was her
b-day), Court, Barb, and Ange) ran over to their table and had Ann
sit on Wendell's lap and take a picture with them! Happy Birthday,
Ann! It was so hilarious. Everyone sitting around them were thinking,
"Who are these two dudes?" When I told one guy who had
asked me why we took a picture of them that they were on the Bachelorette,
he looked at me like I was nuts. Lighten up, people, reality tv
all you Byron fans--here's an update. Not only does he fish everyday,
he's an accomplished poker man! On Wednesday, Byron was at my parents
in Tampa playing poker. I called and talked to him over the telephone!
I sounded like a 16-year old talking to some big celebrity. Although
I wasn't Byron's biggest fan when he was on the show, I was very
impressed by him last night. He is very nice and charming. He said
he is having a great time in Tampa, so I guess he and Mary are goin'
strong. Later in the night, my dad called back with Byron, who was
asking for my address to send me some signed glossies for my Bachelor
buddies! Does anyone have a 8 X 10 frame I could borrow?
it was off to Aruba! Couldn't you just see the producers sitting
around the stove cooking up such creative ideas? "I got it,
let's have all three girls stay at the SAME hotel!" "Okay,
and we'll have Sara W. walk by and just happen to run into Krisily."
"Ooh, ooh, I know, let's have the two Saras meet up and talk
about Krisily." "No, no, I got it-let's have Charlie just
say 'Sara' at the rose ceremony, and everyone will be confused about
which one he means
that's it." PLEASE. This entire episode
was so orchestrated; I thought I would see Mozart in the credits.
ATV outfit, Sara W. Did she know what an ATV was when she decided
to wear to tight boy shorts and a bikini top? How rehearsed was
the ride on the Bongo Bus? Give me a break. Charlie is honing his
acting talents by appearing to have fun on these dates. And, during
this date, we saw the second appearance of a tit sling. Nice wrap
Sara, that you wore three ways in this show-as a top, as a sarong,
and as your skirt in the ceremony. Did they tell you to pack light?
with the other Sara looked fun, but soooo innocent. In two weeks,
these two may be engaged and never have played tonsil tennis? OPEN
YOUR MOUTH, SARA! I could kiss my brother like that!
date was by far the best. I love how her job description is "Salon
Coordinator," aka Receptionist at her cousin's salon. Nice
pit stain on Charlie-can't they airbrush that out? Anyways, the
best part of this date is when Krisiliy bravely tells Charlie she
would like to be intimate, but doesn't want to follow through unless
he's going to keep her. In one short sentence, he convinces her
otherwise. Girls will fall for any line from this guy (see quote
of the week). Sara's a prude and Krisily can't wait to give it up!
"I'm not going to kiss you" and "I need to sleep
with you." Charlie must be going crazy! Krisily was my favorite
chick this week, just cuz it only took Charlie 15 seconds to get
her in the sack. Willpower, ladies.
a few other random thoughts: Everyone knows Charlie is dating both
girls until the final episode. I wonder if they both attended AA
with him, too. Charlie, get off the sauce. You can't talk when you
are sober, and when you are wasted, you sound like a moron. I'm
so glad Sara W. was given the boot. She had such passive-aggressive
insecurity, I was sick to my stomach. What is all that crap she's
been saying about everyone always liking her, and then blaming her
loss on how everyone hates her cuz she's beautiful. Please. You
are not Cindy Crawford. It's not a curse and a blessing as you say.
You are so threatened by everyone, you have to keep bringing up
how much you are not threatened by them. Just shut up and ride your
ATV into the sunset. Did I mention how much I loved your outfit?
of the week - "I am not here to hurt you, I'm not here to play
with your emotions and I'm not here to play with mine. With all
that said (all what?), I want you to spend the night and the rest
of the stuff we can figure out
.afterwards." - Charlie
convincing Krisily to give it up. Nice work, bud.
SINGLES: There are dating prerequisites that must take place prior
to meeting potential future in-laws
1.) You have at least had
to have a single one-on-one date (sorry Krisily). 2.) You have to
have kissed your date-with tongue (sorry Sara B.). And 3.) You have
at the VERY LEAST had a conversation with your date (sorry Kimberly).
If you missed the hometown dates, you didn't miss a lot. Here
catch you up.
B, wearing her scrubs, met up with Charlie in Texas. All they did
prior to the p's coming over was, well, Sara went upstairs to change,
and Charlie had the most intelligent conversation so far this season
with Sara's dog. Did anyone catch her sister's boobs? Of course
you did, because they fell out of the TV and into your lap! Tits
'R Us. I like how Charlie repeatedly brought up his "acting"
Google his name and see how many TV shows (other than
Bachelor), major motion picture, short films, cartoons, soap opera,
etc. you find. I'm gonna go with none.
Kimberly's house. This was the first time she actually wore clothes,
which was nice. Charlie literally said on camera, "Kimberly
and I are physically getting along more than talking. We have to
hold down a conversation." What? Aren't you possibly getting
engaged in two weeks? Whatever. Well, they didn't have much conversation
on this date, either, since Charlie was cooking with mom and then
"bad prom dress", aka Jenny, brought Kimberly's ex-boyfriend
to the same bar later that evening. Did anyone know they were from
the same town and knew each other? Those producers are so creative.
The Ex was hilarious
did he keep saying he and Kimberly had
a "Meatball Connection." Perhaps that's what's been missing
in my relationships. "I love you meatball," sounds so
cheesy. Sadly, Kimberly gets dismissed before we can see her put
out in Aruba.
too exciting about the date with Sara W. They just kept rehashing
the problems in the house, which is getting really old. What's up
with the Verizon Wireless commercial in the middle of Sara W.'s
dates? This is the second time she has used Verizon's video messaging
feature. Member last season when a cast member used Oral B strips,
as if that's what they do prior to every date. This is getting ridiculous,
as if it wasn't already. Again, Charlie says he's an actor. Again,
date was by far the best. Her family, no offense to us bowlers,
looked like they grew up in an alley. When 'Nana' talked, who else
thought she was gonna yell, "ARCHIE!!" Her voice was right
out of All In The Family. But, her look was Rod Stewart all the
way. Krisily's mother's face was a fake coach purse. Pleather is
so in style. Fake Bakers beware-that may be you in a few years.
Try spray tan
it's the most uncomfortable 30 seconds of your
life, but at least your face won't look like OJ Simpson's glove.
How 'bout they had a picture of Charlie framed in their house and
mom and g/ma were spying on them kissing? They were so funny. At
the end, Nana was whoring her granddaughter off just so she'd win.
Wow. Can't wait for the fantasy dates.
of the week: "It's not the fact of me fitting into Charlie's
life, it's the fact of Charlie fitting into my life" - Sara
B. Again, singles, this is the attitude we should always have. But,
when reality strikes, I doubt Charlie is leaving his Hollywood acting
career (yeah, right) to move to Dallas.
chick: Surprisingly, it was Krisily, just cuz her family was so
hilarious. I would sleep in their trailer any day.
if theres anything I know about this show, its how hilarious
it is every single week. You couldnt make this $hit
up if you tried. Honestly, I never laughed so hard as I did last
night. After considering to boycott the show for a few weeks nowlast
night convinced me to keep watching. I seriously think the producers
are sitting around a big oak table discussing how ridiculous they
can make the show and see if America still watches. Well, after
seeing these girls make fools out of themselves by divulging their
Sara is afraid of horses, Krisily is claustrophobic,
and Kimberly is definitely afraid of wearing pants that fit. What
in gods earth were those shorts she was wearing at the fencing
now lets chat about Charlies speech impediment. Tell
me he has plans to either enter rehab or enroll in speech therapy.
We had to keep rewinding the show to figure out what the heck he
was even saying. And is he really saying anything to be honest?
I have yet to think of a topic of substance that Charlie and these
girls have discussed. Its always, Were having
so much fun, you are so much fun, for sure, for sure, blah, blah,
blah. Charlie mentioned the possibility of finding someone
through a mail-order bride catalog
perhaps that would be more
up his alley since he wouldnt actually have to TALK! Charliestop
downing drinks and take the marbles out of your mouth! Maybe a better
idea would be for him to go back to grammar school
or is that
gwammar school? He goes, We have a lot not in common.
Isnt that, We dont have a lot in common?
#6? Krisily. Talk about cracking under pressure. I have had a lot
of part-time gigs in my day, but nothing has compared to being a
manicurist at the Bliss Spa that day. Krisily needs to mind her
own business, leave Sara W. alone, and cut her hair. Oh yeah, and
take Charlie to the salon with you for the haircut
heck was going on with his do? He looked like the guy from Airplaneyou
know the one who says, I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing
glue. Or Albert Einstein, whichever you choose.
part of the show? When Charlie was discussing his ex. Did he really
say he needed to get that off my chest? They broke up
two summers ago. Charlie is saying his ex is holding on
like he might be also. Let it go. The quote of the week comes from
ceremony was not as dramatic as I would have liked, but those chicks
are wound as tight as rubber bands. Stick around
I think next
week Krisily and Sara W. may actually kill each other. Kindle (who
the heck is that?), is crier #7. My favorite girl this week was
Anitra, just because she had nothing in common with Charlieand
thats a good thing.
of the week: Thats fow you (the rose to little sara).
You awe so excited, the othew time you got the wose, you were so
suwpwised, why was that? Charlie OConnell, aka
Elmer Fudd, aka crier #8.
DISCRETION ADVISED - The following program is soft porn.
tit sling. And your second outfit was SO much better-NOT! Look,
I'm not the thinnest chick in the bunch, but I also do not claim
to be a swimsuit model, nor do I own a skirt as short as the one
Kim wore to the art gallery. Give me a break-she looked like Anna
Nicole pre-TrimSpa. The best part of the show was when the other
girls put on her outfits. Most of them looked better in her clothes
than she ever could. Did you see when they had to blur out the one
girl's cleavage? It's a prob when your shirt is so low they have
to blur it out on national television. How 'bout when Kim went back
to Charlie's pad? How long has it been since he's gotten action??
Notice Charlie's flush face when Kim was rubbing him with her foot
looked like he was going to pass out from enjoyment! And, of course,
the quote of the week comes from this date (see below).
was the first fun date any of them have had on this show so far!
Finally, a NORMAL date
.too bad Sara W. started some drama
with Krisily. Does anyone really care, though, really? Krisily is
a you-know-what with a capital B. I'm glad Charlie cancelled his
date with the mom. He looked rode hard and put away wet after the
long night with Kimberly. And props for sending flowers, although,
I can guarantee that was the producers idea. He is just not that
the heck is going on? Seriously, is everyone on this show drunk
or are they just slurring because they can't form a sentence? Did
they all smoke a joint at the alley? Nobody could pronounce their
words without creating confusion for the viewers. Thank god for
Ti-Vo-we had to rewind several times just to figure out what these
characters were saying! Check out WGN weekdays for Everybody Loves
.Raymond's brother, Robert, you know? The cop? Charlie
sounds exactly like him.
Charlie called his brother, Jerry, I couldn't keep a straight face.
He goes, "Hey, how are you doing?" Helllloooo, I'm Jerry
O'Connell. I have a hit TV show and again, I'm dating Rebecca Romijn,
aka supermodel. How do you think I'm doing compared to you? You
are making a complete fool out of yourself by choosing a bunch of
hookers for your dates. Good luck!
chickadee this week? Jenny, for sure-even though she didn't advance.
She was hilarious. To the bowling date-pearls with jeans. I love
it. And the awful prom dress with black shoes at the ceremony! Honestly,
my good friend wore a red version of this dress in 1990. (Oh my
god, are we that old?). Jenny signs out as crier #5, although she
had a great line at the end
"Honestly, no big deal."
Aint that the truth?
of the week: "Now we're cookin'-with gas." (In reference
to Kim's hot outfit.) - Charlie
anyone agree that the first 30 seconds of this show says it all?
They show clips from the entire show and aside from the rose ceremony,
you don't need to self-mutilate yourself by watching the whole hour.
For those of you with DVR or Ti-Vo...watch the first 30 seconds,
then fast foward to the last two minutes...trust me.
Kerry was crier #2.
This week, Charlie kept saying he was scared of the one-on-one dates...no
doubt, he has to talk. The first date was with Megan. She is sweet
and WAY cuter as a brunette. Her funniest line? "What you see
is what you get. I don't play games." Didn't you dye your hair
blonde for this date? Megan was crier #3.
Sarah W. is by far the most normal of these girls. She couldn't
care less to start fighting with these be-atches. Just leave her
alone with Charlie or her needle and thread. She said Charlie was
"smooth and cute"...I still say, "box of rocks."
Sarah W. comes in as crier #4.
Whatshername needs to drop the "single-mom" kick...oh
wait, that just got her a rose! Charlie is a chump. Come one, get
real. You live in NY and LA with your celebrity brother and his
girlfriend, Rebecca Romijn. You ARE NOT going to end up with someone
who has a child. And what the heck happened to Kimberly? Note to
self...Put a Shirt On.
My fav chick this week? Krisily. Krisily is the girl hired by ABC
to start trouble with anyone who will give her a minute. Three words...Cut
your hair. The 70's and 80's are long over and so is that 'do. Layer
The rose ceremony....what happened to "Will U accept this rose?"
I would throw it back at him. But then again, that attitude hasn't
worked so well so far for me. Perhaps I will dye my hair or go to
work in my bra.
Quote of the week...there are actually two:
"I'm having fun today, that's for sure. There's definitely
been some UNFUN (what?) times, but this is one of the fun ones."
- Charlie O'Connell
"I just want someone to challenge me." - Charlie O'Connell......Charlie,
the animals at Brookfield would be serious competition.
those of you who dont know me, my name is Sandy and it is
my pleasure to be your Bachelor Commentator this season.
Hopefully, this is the last season. The Bachelor and Bachelorette
shows have required serious commitment from me and I cant
last very much longer. For the last eight seasons, I have committed
one day every week to this program. Now, dont get me wrong,
this show has been a very good excuse for my friends and I to get
together every week for dinner and gossip. I treasure these days
from the bottom of my heart. This commentary is my last commitment
to the Bachelor . I hope all of my smart-ass comments will put a
smile on your face and brighten up your work weekevery week.
night we met our eligible bachelor, Charlie OConnell, a 29-year
old real estate investor. Charlie sounds great on paper. He has
three homes (NY, LA, and Long Island), he is a champion fencer and
his brother is Jerry OConnell. Does anyone else get Jerry
confused with Jason Bateman? I just cant keep them straight.
At first, Charlie seemed funny, laid-back (Jenn Schefts type),
and what else
yeah, dumb. He sounded like a box of rocks. It
was like listening to a 3-year old. See Dick run. Run Jane run.
were a few surprising twists that kept my interest. Occasionally,
Jerry was able to pass out roses on the dates, so there were only
five left at the final rose ceremony. The girls were allowed to
duke it out prior to the rose handout. That was hilarious. Charlie
ripped on the model for wearing sunglasses and acting pretentious.
One of the girls called the other girls sluts. It was
knock-out, drag-down on the first night!
chat about the girls. Did anyone notice their unique names? Anitra,
Danushka, Geitan, Kindle, Krisily, Kyshawn, and Siomara. What were
their parents smoking? And how obvious could it be that Charlie
prefers blondes???? One of the girls even said this to him, and
the scenes from the next show someone dyeing their hair. Change
your name to Desperate! Each week, I am going to identify my favorite
chick. This week? Kristine for sure.
was the FBI agent by day, bikini suit model by night,
who ended up being so scaryI thought she was going to put
Charlie under a voodoo trance when she didnt get picked. Did
she recently have Lasik surgery or were those real tears? Give me
a break. Her best line, If my name is written on your heart,
I would be so honored. She wrote him some spooky poem and
then gave him her bikini top! When she kissed his cheek, I almost
threw up. She like licked him or something. It was gross. Kristinewords
of advicestay off the crack, stop reading about witchcraft,
and keep your clothes on!
I have so much to say, but you will have to wait until next week.
As Chris would say, Coming Upthe most dramatic commentary
of the week: Its not like Im a rocket scientist!
Charlie OConnell. (Yeah, no kidding.)
all about Sandy here...