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Basketball Puns

Browse through team names to find fun puns and cool team puns for hoops.


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Basketball Puns 2017

 

  • We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
  • It looks like a stickup at 7-Eleven. Five guys standing there with their hands in the air.
  • Slam Allelekum
  • Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
  • I'd watch basketball more often if one player from each team had to carry a pool noodle at all times.
  • The L.A. Lakers are so good they could run a fast break with a medicine ball.
  • Why are basketball players messy eaters? They're always dribbling.
  • If you’re going to make every game a matter of life or death, you’re going to have a lot of problems… for one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.
  • I have contempt for a game [football] in which players have to wear so much equipment. Men play basketball in their underwear, which seems just right to me. 
  • Don’t be the rebound, be the 3-pointer from half court
  • In sports, Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling, whose racist comments have sparked widespread outrage, is given the NBA’s harshest possible punishment: season tickets to the Knicks.
  • Interviewer: Did you graduate from Auburn? 
  • I looked up in the stands and I thought I saw my wife and kids booing.
  • You may be big in New York, but in Walters, Oklahoma, you're nobody.
  • Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan? Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought she stopped aging.
  • You have to treat it a lot like the sun. Looking at it for more than a few seconds is dangerous to your health.
  • When asked if Nate Archibald's "dominance" of the ball could hurt the Kings (his own team), Oscar Robertson looked amazed, then said, "The only way his style could hurt them is if he played against them."
  • To keep in shape, Jae Crowder pulls SUVs with ropes. When SUVs aren't available, he uses his brother.
  • Did you hear about the basketball team that doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
  • The NBA is like a small sorority. We’re like brothers.
  • (John) Wall is an excellent passer, a pretty good rebounder and a decent defender, but his ability to make a defense collapse into itself like a dying star makes him the best player in the country.
  • I’m a coach who believes in execution. Whenever I see [that player] shoot free throws, I want to execute him.
  • These are my new shoes. They're good shoes. They won't make you rich like me, they won't make you rebound like me, they definitely won't make you handsome like me. They'll only make you have shoes like me. That's it.
  • Chris Kaman my Pants
  • Head Quarters
  • No Basket Cases Here
  • The referees request that regardless of how terrible the officiating is, don’t throw stuff on the floor.
  • Kentucky has several potential first-round picks who have impressed scouts by dribbling into five defenders and committing extremely athletic turnovers.
  • [This is] a Sweet 16 that's more stacked than a Cuban election.
  • The Badgers will try to slow it down against Syracuse. The Badgers run less than $50 panty hose.
  • How many NCAA basketball players does it take to change a light bulb? :Only one. But he gets money, a car, and three credit hours for it.
  • Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls.
  • I don’t have any tricky plays, I’d rather have tricky players.
  • Finish last in your league and they call you “idiot.” Finish last in medical school and they call you “doctor.”
  • What did the march say to all the madness? What's all that bracket
  • We play a man-to-man defense. Person to person sounds like a telephone call.
  • Why are basketball players messy eaters? They're always dribbling.
  • If you had come with me, you could be the principal of a high school by now.
  • Nothing but Ned, Ed and Fred
  • The secret is to have eight great players and four others who will cheer like crazy.
  • I never thought I'd lead the NBA in rebounding, but I got a lot of help from my teammates – they did a lot of missing.
  • What do you do when you've had a few slices of pizza but you're still hungry? You E'Twaun Moore.
  • Why did the basketball player stay home all weekend? He didn’t want to get called out for travelling.
  • Threedom Train
  • When Xavier McDaniel plays against Orlando Wooldridge, it's a coach's dream – X vs O.
  • The secret is to have eight great players, and four others who will cheer like crazy.
  • He makes plays you can’t coach, and he makes plays that look like he’s never been coached.
  • Jeremy Lin may be the first person with an economics degree from Harvard who is doing something positive with his life.
  • You can't even jump high enough to touch the rim, unless they put a Big Mac on it.
  • Dunkin Go Nuts
  • True: When Austin Peay University had a player named Fly Williams, the students would chant, “The Fly is open! Let’s go Peay!”
  • The Trouble with Triples
  • I’ve won at every level, except college and pro.
  • Why was Cinderella such a bad player? Her coach was a pumpkin.
  • A team should be an extension of a coach’s personality. My teams are arrogant and obnoxious.
  • Hey, some places this would be a foul!
  • Why did the elephant start a stampede? He wanted to play for the Chargers.
  • Mentally Power Forward
  • They probably would; I haven't played in twenty years and we're all old now.
  • Fans never fall asleep at our games because they're afraid they might get hit with a pass.
  • Get In the Zone
  • The Three Pointer Sisters
  • I'll always remember this as the night Michael and I combined to score 70 points.
  • The best thing about freshmen is they become sophomores.
  • I can’t keep referring to basketball players as Khloe Kardashian’s husband and his friends.
  • Stevie Wonder could make one of 23 shots.
  • Nobody roots for Goliath.
  • If cocaine were helium, the NBA would float away.
  • I hope he comes out for basketball.
  • Keying In
  • Charles: No, but I have a couple people working for me who did.
  • Three Guys, Six Balls
  • Why did the basketball visit the bank? Because all of its checks were bouncing.
  • I really appreciate this award, but I don’t ever want to win it again.
  • I always like to get transfers, especially from the Pac-10. They already have their cars paid for.
  • I wouldn’t bank on it. I would still say, right now, he’s probably doubtful, but that could become questionable. But I don’t think it’s probable.
  • Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.
  • UK and Louisville are in the commonwealth of Kentucky, where basketball is an optional box for religious affiliation.
  • What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball? Get out of its way.
  • Jae Crowder has seven siblings, one of which you'll notice on television. He's just slightly larger than a Red Roof Inn.

 

 

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