Baseball Puns

 

• I'd lay down a sacrifice for you.
• What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team!
• They call me "The Lead" because the A's bullpen wants to blow me
• At least it wasn't a costly error. He still has his base, and he's still running. In other words, he's safe.
• You make my heart as spongey as the A's infield
• Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches!
• You’re like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
• After this early morning spring training workout, you wanna come be my afternoon delight?
• I'm an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
• come back to my place and i'll show you what a real sabermagician does
  
• What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man?… Pitching like no one has ever seen.
• What's the "win probability" of me taking you home tonight, baby?
• I got a private conference in my hotel room at the winter meetings, come on up if you wanna look at my trade package
• You’re like baseball: A thinkin’ man’s game.
• Which baseball player holds water?…The pitcher.
• Obviously, Paul is away -- not home. He's a busy guy, with a lot on his plate.
• Of all the butts in all the locker rooms, well, yours is way better.
• BTW, if you put the squeeze on her, don't pinch her. And definitely don't hitter! And for god's sake, don't batter her around!
• You can call me the A's because I'm destroying that Kitty right now
• The game's getting boring, wanna go back to my place and make it a blowout?
• I had a good streak going there.
• What’s long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn’t it adorable?
• I'd got to bat for you, babe.
• Why is a baseball umpire like an angry chicken? : They both have fowl mouths.
• Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?… She ran away from the ball.
• Which animal is best at hitting a baseball? The bat.
• Wanna come over and calculate some fip?
• Sorry, J-Walk. I guess I dropped the ball.
  
• I don't field like football today, and besides,baseball is a batter game!
• What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?… You can buy a Fenway Frank hotdog in October!
• Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?… Someone stole second base!
• What a screwball...
• Why are some umpires fat?…They always clean their plate!
• “Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?”
• Wanna hear a joke? The Blue Jays. Wanna hear something serious? My love for you.
• On second thought, I canceled the walk. The weather's too foul.
• The best way to make a baseball bat is to carve it by hand. Using a machine is just lathe-y.
• Hey girl, I've been warming up this bench for you MY WHOLE LIFE.
• You don't get it? Or are you just Yankee my chain, you knuckle head? In any case, it's been a ball and it kept me in stitches -- even if you didn't contribute your usual a mound. Maybe I'll catch a single episode of The Simpsons before I go to sleep. I really like Homer.
• I think I glove you.
• When asked how the season was going, the baseballcoach replied saying that it was in full swing.
• Where shouldn’t a baseball player ever wear red? In the bull pen.
• The only thing tender today is my heart for you
• Which superhero is the best at baseball?… Batman.
• My love for you is like the A's and Daric Barton: it never dies.
• I know I'm out of options, but I'll fight my way in and prove to you that I can make your team into a contender
• Can I show you my spitball?
• A baseball player can sell himself to a new team if he has a good pitch.
• I’m an outfielder—I’ll catch you.
• Is that a batting glove in your pocket, or do you have kind of a lumpy butt? Cuz if you do, that’s cool. I’m not picky.
• What do you get when you cross a tree with a baseball player?… Babe Root.
• Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform? New Jersey.

Clever Baseball Puns

• Why is Fenway Park the coolest place to be?… Because it’s full of fans.
• Like a platoon player, I'm dying to get some action
• Why don’t baseball players join unions?… Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
• What did the baseball glove say to the ball?…”Catch ya later!”
• Ok, strike that.
• Why are baseball games at night?… Because bats sleep during the day!
• Two more follows and we can start the giveaway! Come on people, I draw pretty okay too
  
• Where did the baseball player wash his socks?… In the bleachers.
• Why did the baseball player go to the car dealer? He wanted a sales pitch.
• Your pitch must have hit me because I'm feeling a little faint.
• What cartoon character is the best at baseball?… Homer Simpson.
• If you sing while playing baseball, you won't get a good pitch.
• Why do girls like baseball?… It’s the only sport played on a diamond!
• Are you in the on deck circle? Cuz you’re up next (to date me).
• His wife, Callista, was with him. Did you catch 'er?
• Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. Just like Dee Gordon when he steals bases!"
• Ha! No reply. You were caught looking at that comment.
• Why are spiders good baseball players?… Because they know how to catch flies!
• I’d lay down a sacrifice for you.
• You're like a student and I am like a math book, you solve all my problems! Just like Billy Beane when it comes to acquiring key baseball players who always get on base.
• Are you Eric Sogard because there's no way I'd ever forget your
• What do baseball players use to bake a cake?… Oven MITTS, BUNT pans and BATTER.
• How is a baseball like a pancake?… They both need a good batter.
• We must be in the bullpen because you're warming me up.
• They say I'm like John Jaso because I'm all clear to be behind your plate all summer long
• Plus, his speeches haven't changed. He's on the campaign trail today, and made a short stop to deliver a speech. Same pitch as usual.
• I hope you're good at catching cause I'm starting to fall for you.
• You know, I’ve never needed a third base coach. ;)
• It's no wonder that some baseball players have lots of money - often even many of the bases are loaded.
• Are you in the on deck circle, or is that halo?
• If you were a baseball mit, would you catch my fly balls?
• Even though there's no ball game on tonight, ill still be slamming something out of the park
• Are you Anthony Recker because I just wanna let you pull my dinger
• I don't get that pun no matter how hard I twi. 'Night.
• Can you tame my diamondback? Everybody else has
• How do baseball players keep in touch? They touch base every once in a while.
• Girl is your name baseball, cause I just want to hit it.
• Baseball on a foggy day is all about hit and mist.
  
• Babe, there's a few tough road series coming up, but if we can make it through them, I'll know it's real.
• You’re like baseball: I’d love to play you in front of a crowd.
• Have you ever wondered why baseball players get girlfriends? They're great at hitting it off.
• You're like baseball: I'd love to play you in front of a crowd.
• You're like baseball: You make me all nervous and then nothing happens.
• I'm just trying to advance the art, using two methods: Walk 'n' Balk.
• In each town on his trip, the baseball player made a short stop.
• Why are singers good at baseball?… Because they have perfect pitch!
• If this were an actual contest, I could really clean up.
• I’m an umpire. Now, give me your number so I can make the call.
• “Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch?”… ”Forget it. You just missed it.”
• In baseball, if you can't steal abase, then you won't make degrade.
• Doug was going to contribute, but he couldn't think of anything. Maybe you should help Doug out.
• Are you Sonny Gray cos I just wanna stare at your curves all day
• So am I gonna be your closer tonight, or are you putting me in middle relief?
• Hey girl. do you have a club option? Because my interest in you is mutual.
• Are you accepting applications for your fan club? I'd love to join since I'm already a member of the Mr. Met fan club!
• He could play baseball, football, basketball, soccer and tennis. He was a jock of all trades.
• Are you in the outfield? Because you're an angel.
• You're getting a long one tonight, and I'm not talking about the Home Run Derby
• I'm falling in glove with you.
• Or maybe his union went on strike and he's on the picket line. Drive home, if you can before I make another blooper.
• Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes? Sorry, but you can't use one on the Seattle Mariners winning a World Series championship just because they signed Robinson Cano for a decade-long contract.
• Baseball players only wear one glove so they can leave the other hand free to hold girls like you.
• Dang, girl. You're a fielder's choice.
• That's a bit of a stretch.
• My split finger will have your knees buckling
• I'm not at the top of my game tonight. Too distracted watching Mitt.
  
• Roz also said she'd contribute. Is Roz in?

Best Baseball Puns

• Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park?… Because of all the Giant Fans!
• I feel like I'm talking to myself. I guess you're busy. I'll take a walk and come back later.
• A baseball pitcher asked if he had a good curve
• A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
• You know, I've never needed a third base coach to wave me home.
• Us baseball players know our way around the bases.
• I wield a big stick.
• Yeah girl, I could take you to the ball, or I could bring the ball to you...
• As a baseball player, I know my way around the bases.
• Adult Birthday Party Names
• Scrum Team Name Generator
• Last Names Starting With A
• Still no response from Paul. I guess this is my own little pun umpire, and I'm the king.
• I have to go to bed. Old men doze -- a line you've heard before, but very true.
• Hello. I am a professional baseball player.
• They call me Derek Jeter because I got loose hips and I'm good at stroking balls away
• If you were a reliever, I'd sign you up to a three year contract with a vesting option
• Were you eating dinner at Arby? I like that place.
• I just want something quick to fill a gap, let's hook up on a one-year deal and then look at our option years later
• “Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?”… “Forget it. It’s way over your head.”
• Hey babe, now that the season's over, lets go back to my place and watch the highlight film
• The baseball player made a clean move with the girl but then he struck out.
• If your daughter is tying up the computer, you should ground 'er.
• They replaced the baseball with an orange to add zest to the game.
• You still did OK. Overall, I think it's a toss-up.
• Play in my extra innings, I guarantee I'm a long reliever
• If you were a baseball could I hit a homerun
• You're quite the catch, baby.
• Ok, Pop. Fly me out of here.
• Did you see what I wrote at the bottom of the 9th comment?
  
• They say to bat me 2nd because I'm a good 2-hole hitter
• Whatcha got?
• I think this thread represents the big inning of a new ERA in punnery.
• Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?… From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle
• The baseball pitcher's personality needed some polish. He was a diamond in the rough.
• What is a baseball player’s favorite thing about going to the park?… The swings!
• I’d got to bat for you, babe.
• If you date me, you'll eventually see a diamond.
• They call me the Arizona D'Backs because I always play ball games late into the night
• Would you just take one for the team, and go out with me?
• My dugout, or yours?
• Did you just hit me with a pitch? Cuz I'm feeling faint.
• What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?… a double header!
• How is a baseball team similar to a pancake? They both need a good batter.
• That one has been used already. You need to find a substitute.
• A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
• Why are frogs good outfielders?… They never miss a fly.
• Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?…She had a pumpkin for a coach.
• Looks like you're the big ticket free agent, and I got a lotta money to spend.
• Do you know what cupcakes & a baseball team have in common?… They both count on the batter!
• Damn G+. I got another pop-up ad.
• If you were a baseball and I was a bat would you let me hit that?
• Babe, I didn't forget about you, how bout if I call you up this September?
• Uhhhh, my lead off's not great, and though I may be off base, I'd like to take you on a date.
• Have you ever seen a line drive?… No but I have seen a baseball park!
• You're a Catch Worthy of a Gold Glove
• What's long and hard and intimidates everyone? My BAT. Isn't it adorable?
• What are the rules in zebra baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out.
• Unlike Dee Gordon, I give you full permission to tag my butt
• When all my electrical engineering friends at thebaseball game did the wave, it was almost like having a phased-hooray.
• Can I pinch hit on you?
  
• Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right? I was just curious since this is Derek Jeter's last season, if you had a chance to see him one last time before he retires? We could go if you'd like!
• Are we in the bullpen? Cuz you’re warming me up.
• Paul is very unresponsive, but I'll let it slide. Maybe he's having car trouble. I told him to check his clutch. He's not single, so maybe he can put the squeeze on his wife, so she can help him out of this jam.
• All the other guys out there are like broken bats, I'm a good, hard wood
• That's also been used. One more, and you're out.
• That's all for me. I need some relief if this thread is to be saved.
• How do baseball players stay cool? By sitting next to the fans.
• I'm an outfielder – I'll catch you.
• Is that a batting glove in your pocket, or do you have kind of a lumpy butt? Cuz if you do, that's cool. I'm not picky.
• You're like baseball: A thinkin' man's game.
• Glad to see you're finally running short. STOP!