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Office Space Sound Bites

Audio Clips from Office Space . ... Office Space Sound Bites ... Fast version of "Office Space " theme song.

Office Space Quote
Office Space Audio Clips
Office Space WAVs
Office Space Sound Bites

 

ofsp-2chicks.wav
Ron Livingston as Peter Gibbons ... "What would you do if you had a million dollars?"
Diedrich Bader as Lawrence ... "I'll tell you what I'd do man ... two chicks at the same time, man."

ofsp-37pieces.wav
Jennifer Aniston as Joanna ... "If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair like your pretty boy over there Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?"

ofsp-40vibe.wav
Peter ... "What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?"

ofsp-advice.wav
Lawyer ... "Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. No, minimum security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be alright."

ofsp-asskickd.wav
Peter ... "When you come in on Monday and you're not feeling real well, does anyone say to you, "Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays?"
Lawrence ... "Shit, no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked saying something like that, man."

ofsp-betrfire.wav
John C. McGinley as Bob Slydell ... "We find it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."

ofsp-boltonfan.wav
Bob Slidell ... "Are you any relation to the pop singer?"
David Herman (I) as Michael Bolton ... "Naw, it's just a coincidence."
Bob Slidell ... "Because I'll be honest with you! I love his music! I do! I'm a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'."

ofsp-cleanup.wav
Michael ... "You're working at Initech because that question is bullshit to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors, cause no one would clean shit up, if they had a million dollars."

ofsp-coaster.wav
Greg Pitts (II) as Drew ... "Give her a ride on the ol' bone roller coaster! AAAAAAAAAAH! Hah!"

ofsp-conjugal.wav
Peter ... "Shit, we should be so lucky. Do you know that they have conjugal visits there?"
Ajay Naidu as Samir ... "Really?"
Peter ... "Yes."
Michael ... "Shit, I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."

ofsp-consult.wav
Richard Riehle as Tom Smykowski ... "You have to interview with this consultant. They call them efficiency experts ... but what you're REALLY doing is interviewing for your own job!

ofsp-cornhole.wav
Lawrence ... "Hey Peter!"
Peter ... "Yeah?"
Lawrence ... "Watch out for your cornhole, bud."
Peter ... "Okay, Lawrence."

ofsp-crack.wav
Steve ... "Good evening, sir. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean."
Peter ... "Ok.
Steve ... "That is why I'm selling magazine subscriptions."
Peter ... "No."
Steve ... "And I was hoping that you could help me out ..."
Michael ... "Wait, wait. You used to be addicted to crack?
Steve ... "Yeah, um..."

ofsp-cussncar.wav
Samir cusses up a storm while sitting in traffic

ofsp-dohere.wav
Bob Slidell ... "What.. what would you say... you do here?"
Tom ... "Look, I already told you! I deal with the goddamn customers so the engineers don't have to! I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!"

ofsp-dothat.wav
Gary Cole (I) as Bill Lumbergh ... "If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great."

ofsp-fna.wav
Peter ... "This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks... gettin' excercise... working outside?"
Lawrence ... "Fuckin' A."
Peter ... "Fuckin' A."

ofsp-grammys.wav
Michael ... "Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton."
Samir ... "You know, there's nothing wrong with that name."
Michael ... "There WAS nothing wrong with it. Until I was about 12 years old, and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
Samir ... "Well, why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?."
Michael ... "No way! Why should I change? He's the one who sucks!"

ofsp-guysgood.wav
Peter ... "I think that the guy might actually be able to help. I mean, he did help Anne lose weight."
Samir ... "Peter, she's anorexic."
Peter ... "Yeah, I know. They guy's really good."

ofsp-hatejob.wav
JoAnna ... "I HATE THIS JOB! I HATE THIS GODDAMN JOB AND I DON'T NEED IT!"

ofsp-hawaiian.wav
Gary Cole (I) as Bill Lumbergh ... "Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

ofsp-hearwall.wav
Lawrence ... "HEY PETER MAN! CHECK OUT CHANNEL NINE! CHECK OUT THIS CHICK!"
Peter ... "Dammit, Lawrence! Can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the walls?"

ofsp-ihavememo.wav
Peter ... "(Phone rings) Peter Gibbons. Yes... I have the memo."

ofsp-jobsecur.wav
Peter ... "What if we're still doing this when we're 50?"
Samir ... "It would be nice to have that kind of job security."

ofsp-lastraw.wav
Stephen Root as Milton Waddams ... "Excuse me? (Door closes) Well, okay, but... That's the last straw... "

ofsp-listen.wav
Milton ... "Well... I... I told Bill that if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while she's filing, then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating."
Peter ... "Uh huh."
Milton ... "So I don't see why I should ..."
Peter ... "OK.
Milton ... " ... have to turn down the radio."
Peter ... "Yeah, alright."
Milton ... "I enjoy listening to my radio at a reasonable volume."
Peter ... "Thanks... Milton."

ofsp-lookingup.wav
Peter ... "I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are! We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary!"

ofsp-mafia.wav
Michael ... "You know what I can't figure out? How is it that all these stupid neanderthal mafia guys can be so good at crime, and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it."
Samir ... "We're new to it though."

ofsp-makemore.wav
Peter ... "You're a software engineer?"
Steve ... "Yep."
Samir ... "Things must be very rough for you."
Steve ... "Actually man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions than I EVER did at Initrode."

ofsp-missing.wav
Paul Willson (I) as Bob Porter ... "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter ... "I wouldn't say I've been 'missing' it Bob."

ofsp-mkay.wav
Lumbergh ... "Mmmkay?"

ofsp-mondays.wav
Natalie Denning (I) as Initech Employee ... "Uh-oh! Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!"

ofsp-ninaspeaking.wav
Kinna McInroe as Nina ... "Corporate Accounts Payable, Nina speaking! Just a moment!" (Repeats 3x)

ofsp-nosalt.wav
Milton ... "Excuse me, Senor? May I speak to you please? I asked for a Mai Tai and they brought me a Pina Colada? And I said 'No salt' NO SALT for the Margarita, but it had salt on it."
Rupert Reyes as Mexican Waiter ... "Lo siento mucho, Senor... gringo."
Milton ... "Lo siento, but I won't be leaving a tip! Cuz I could, I could shut this whole resort down! Sir? I could take my travelers checks to a competing resort! I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned! I could put... I could put strychnine in the guacamole! There was salt on the glass... BIG grains of salt!"

ofsp-notarmed.wav
Michael ... "Thing's lucky I'm not armed."
Samir ... "(Pulls paper out of the printer) Piece of shit!"

ofsp-notmeant.wav
Peter ... "We don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day... filling out useless forms... and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."
Michael ... "I told those fudge packers that I liked Michael Bolton's music."
Peter ... "Oh that is not right, Michael."

ofsp-oface.wav
Greg Pitts (II) as Drew ... "I'm thinking I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my O-face. Oh! Oh! Oh! You know what I'm talkin' about ... Oh!"

ofsp-paperjam.wav
Samir ... "WHY DOES IT SAY PAPER JAM WHEN THERE IS NO PAPER JAM? I SWEAR TO GOD, ONE OF THESE DAYS I-I-I JUST KICK THIS PIECE OF SHIT OUT THE WINDOW!"

ofsp-pcload.wav
Michael ... "PC Load Letter? What the fuck does that mean?"

ofsp-pos.wav
Samir ... "(Pulls paper out of printer) Piece of shit!"

ofsp-poundme.wav
Michael ... "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to Federal 'Pound me in the Ass' prison!"

ofsp-problem.wav
Lumbergh ... "Ahhhh, we have sort of a problem here."

ofsp-putup.wav
Tom ... "Do you know there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this shit?"

ofsp-rapincar.wav
Michael's rap song.

ofsp-righton.wav
Drew ... "Alright Peter! Oooh-Oooh! Hahaha... Right on!!"

ofsp-seememo.wav
Lumbergh ... "Did you see the memo about this?"

ofsp-soulless.wav
Peter ... "HE REPRESENTS ALL THAT IS SOULLESS AND WRONG!!"

ofsp-stapler.wav
Milton ... "I believe you have my stapler?"

ofsp-suprman3.wav
Michael ... "It's pretty brilliant. What it does is every time there's a bank transaction where interest is computed, you know, thousands a day? The computer ends up with these fractions of a cent, which it usually rounds off? What this does is takes those little remainders and puts them into an account."
Peter ... "This sounds familiar."
Michael ... "Yeah, they did it in Superman 3."
Peter ... "Right."
Michael ... "Underrated movie, actually."

ofsp-talkass.wav
Lawrence ... "Oh, I'm sorry man! Look, I-I-You know, I'm talking out of my ass."

ofsp-volume.wav
Milton ... "Well, I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume."

ofsp-whosback.wav
Todd Duffey as Brian the waiter ... "Hey! Look who's back!"

ofsp-yeah.wav
Lumbergh ... "Yeahhh."


storageb.wav

Milton: "(muttering) F... C... V..."
Lumberg: "Hi, Milton. What's happening?"
Milton: "I was-- I-I-- I didn't receive my paycheck this week."
Lumberg: "Uh, you're going to have to talk to Payroll about that."
Milton: "I did and they said that--"
Lumberg: "Milt, we're going to need you to go ahead and move you downstairs into storage B."
Milton: "No, I-I was told I could not--"
Lumberg: "We have some new people coming in..."
Milton: "No. There's--"
Lumberg: "...and we need all the space we can get."
Milton: "But there's no space--"
Lumberg: "So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move it down there..."
Milton: "But, n--"
Lumberg: "...that would be terrific."
Milton: "I-I was told..."
Lumberg: "Mm-kay?"
Milton: "...I could stay. Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler. I-- Mmm."


mystapler.wav

Milton: "Excuse me. I believe you have my stapler. I-- Mmm."


missingitbob.wav

Bob Porter: "Looks like you've been missing a lot of work lately."
Peter: "I wouldn't say I've been missing it, Bob."


housecleaning.wav

Bob Slydell: "I-I'm sure you-- you've-- you've heard some of the rumors circulating around the hallways about how we're going to be doing a little housecleaning with some of the software people."
Peter: "Well, Bob, I have heard that, and you gotta do what you gotta do."
Bob Porter: "We're gonna be getting rid of these people here. First, Mr. Samir Naga-- He-- Naga-- Naga-- Not gonna work here anymore anyway. And Mr. Mike Bolton. Nobody's gonna miss him."
Peter: "You're gonna layoff Samir and Michael?"
Bob Porter: "Ah, yeah, we're gonna bring in some, uh, entry-level graduates, farm some work out to Singapore. That's the usual deal."
Bob Slydell: "It's standard operating procedure."
Peter: "Do they know this yet?"
Bob Slydell: "No! No, of course not. We find that it's always better to fire people on a Friday. Studies have statistically shown that there's less chance of an incident if you do it at the end of the week."


memoremoney.wav

Bob Slydell: "Peter, what we'd like to do is put you into position to have as many an four people working right underneath you."
Bob Porter: "This is a big promotion, Pete."
Bob Slydell: "It's huge."
Peter: "So you're gonna fire Michael and Samir and you're gonna give me more money?"
Bob Slydell: "Hmm?"
Peter: "Wow."


letsdothat.wav

Michael: "(The fax machine is acting up) Hmm. Yeah. That's it. That's exactly what I need. Uh-huh. Come here, give it to me. Come on, you little bleep er, let's go. That's what I need. Let's do that. Let's do exactly that, you little bleep --"


gonnagetcanned.wav

Peter: "Michael, there comes a point in a man's life, and maybe that time for you is now, when it doesn't hurt to start thinking about the future."
Michael: "Uh, no offence there, Peter, but speak for yourself there, sport. I'm not the one who's been flakin' out at work. I know-- I know you had this religious expeiriec or whatever the hell that was but you better snap out of it and get your bleep together, or you're gonna get canned."


thanvirus.wav

Peter: "That virus you're always talking about, right? The one that could, uh, rip off the company for a bunch of money."
Michael: "Yeah, what about it?"
Peter: "Well, how does it work?"
Michael: "It's pretty brilliant. What it does is, every time there's a bank transaction where interest is competed, you know, thousands a day, the computer ends up with these fractions of acent, which it usually rounds off. What this does is, it takes those little remainders and puts it into an account."
Peter: "This sounds familiar."
Michael: "Yeah, they did it in Superman III."
Peter: "Right."
Michael: "Yeah. Underrated movie, actually. And then there were a bunch of hackers, did it in the '70s as well. One of them got busted."
Peter: "Well, so they check for this now."
Michael: "No, here's the thing. Initech's so backed up with all the software we're updating for the year 2000, they'd never notice."
Peter: "You're right. And even if they wanted to, they couldn't check all that code."
Michael: "Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses."


superman3.wav

Peter: "This sounds familiar."
Michael: "Yeah, they did it in Superman III."
Peter: "Right."
Michael: "Yeah. Underrated movie, actually."


thumbsup.wav

Michael: "Thumbs up their asses. Thumbs up their asses."


fromdoingthis.wav

Peter: "So, Michael, what's to stop you from doing this?"
Michael: "It's not worth the risk. I got a good job."
Peter: "What if you didn't have a good job?"
Michael: "Cock-gobblers!"


BLEEPgobblers.wav

Michael: "Cock-gobblers!"


promoted.wav

Peter: "Samir and I are the best programmers they got at that place."
Michael: "And you, you haven't been showin' up and you get to keep your job."
Peter: "Actually, I'm being promoted."
Michael: "What?"
Peter: "I know, Michael. It's completely unfair. And I realized something today. It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us."


onthisearth.wav

Peter: "I don't know what happened to me at that hypnothearpist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die-- Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth. We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."
Michael: "I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music."
Peter: "Oh. That is not right, Michael."


notmeantto.wav

Peter: "Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about mission statements."


fudgepackers.wav

Michael: "I told those fudge-packers I liked Michael Bolton's music."


fiveyearsnow.wav

Peter: "Oh. That is not right, Michael. For five years now, you've worked your ass of at Initech hoping for a promotion or some kind of profit-sharing or something. Five years of your mid-20s now gone. And you're gonna go in tomorrow, they're gonna throw you out on the street. You know why? So that Bill Lumbergh's stock will go up a quarter of a point. Michael, let's make that stock go down and let's take enough money out of that place so that we never ever have to sit in a cubicle ever again."


thisisamerica.wav

Peter: "I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired of being pushed around. Aren't you?"
Samir: "Yes, Peter. But I'm not going to do anything illegal."
Peter: "Illegal? Samir, this is America! Come on, sit down. Come on. This isn't Riyadh. You know, they're not gonna saw your hands off here. Alright? The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months, into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. Shit, we sould be so lucky! Do you know they have conjugal visits there?"
Samir: "Really?"
Peter: "Yes."
Samir: "Shit. I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."


insixmonths.wav

Peter: "The worst they would ever do is, they would put you, for a couple of months, into a white-collar, minimum-security resort. Shit, we sould be so lucky! Do you know they have conjugal visits there?"
Samir: "Really?"
Peter: "Yes."
Samir: "Shit. I'm a free man, I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months."


opportinity.wav

Peter: "You came here looking for a land of opportunity and this is the knock of that opportunity. Tomorrow's your last day at Initech. You have two options: unemployment or early retirement. What's it gonna be?"
Samir: "I have a question."
Peter: "Yes?"
Samir: "In-- In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?"
Peter: "Yep, you sure can."
Samir: "Okay, I'll do it."
Peter: "That's what I'm talking about when I talk about Ameri--!"
Michael: "Peter? How about we discuss the plan?"
Peter: "Okay, yeah. Good. Right. Okay."


conjugalvisits.wav

Samir: "I have a question."
Peter: "Yes?"
Samir: "In-- In these conjugal visits, you can have sex with women?"
Peter: "Yep, you sure can."
Samir: "Okay, I'll do it."


nobodyknows.wav

Peter: "We have to swear to God, Allah, that nobody knows about this but us. Alright? No family members, no girlfriends, nobody."
Samir: "Of course."
Michael: "Agreed."
Lawrence: "Don't worry, man! I won't tell anyone either!"
Michael: "What the bleep is that?"
Peter: "No, don't worry about him. He's cool."


thatwaseasy.wav

Michael: "Well, that was easy."
Peter: "Yeah, I guess it was."


tomsmykowski.wav

Drew: "You guys hear about Tom Smykowski?"
Michael: "What, that he got laid off?"
Drew: "No, man. Check it out. Last week, right after he found out he was getting laid off, he goes home and tries to kill himself by running the car in the garage."
Michael: "Is he dead?"
Drew: "No, man. Check it out. That wife of his comes home early from work and catches him. So he tries to play it off like nothing happened."
Smykowski: "I was having some trouble with the shifter here. It's jammed, and I-- I couldn't get it into drive. I-I-I mean, reverse."
Laura Smykowski (Linda Wakeman): "You okay, Tom?"
Drew: "Then' as he's looking at her..."
Smykowski: "Yeah."
Drew: "...he decides he wants to live."
Smykowski: "Yeah, I think I'm okay."
Laura Smykowski: "Alright."
Smykowski: "Seems to be working now. See ya later, honey. Love ya."
Drew: "But then, as soon as he backs out of his driveway-- Bam! He gets slammed big-time by a drunk driver."
Peter: "Is he okay?"
Drew: "Sort of. He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back. But, check it out, he's gonna get a huge settlement out of this, like seven figures. He's getting out of the hospital tomorrow. He's gonna throw a big party this weekend to celebrate. We're all invited. I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my 'O' face. Oh, oh, oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh! Yeah."


isheokay.wav

Peter: "Is he okay?"
Drew: "Sort of. He broke both his wrists, legs, couple of ribs, his back."


myoface.wav

Drew: "We're all invited. I'm thinkin' I might take that new chick from logistics. Things go well, I might be showin' her my 'O' face. Oh, oh, oh! You know what I'm talkin' about. Oh! Yeah."


istolesomething.wav

Michael: "Wow. Our last day at Initech."
Samir: "I can't believe they had secuity escort us out. Li-- Like we're going to steal something."
Peter: "I stole something."
Michael: "Oh, yeah. I guess we all did."
Peter: "No, I stole something else."
Samir: "What did you steal?"
Peter: "Call it a going-away present. (Then they go off on the printer with Geto Boys - "Still" playing in the background)"


backupinyourass.wav

Samir: "Back up in your ass with the resurrection."


yourstealing.wav

Joanna: "Hey, what were you guys celebrating last night?"
Peter: "Oh, uh, I'm not really at liberty to talk about it. (She looks at him) I really can't. (Still looking) Alright, so when the sub routine compounds the interest, right, it uses all these extra decimal places that get rounded off. So we simplified the whole thing and we just-- we round 'em all down and drop the remainder into an account that we opened."
Joanna: "So, you're stealing."
Peter: "Uh, no. No, you don't understand. It's uh-- it's very complicated. It's uh-- it's aggregate, so I'm talking about fractions of a penny here. And, uh, over time they add up to a lot."
Joanna: "Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Right? That's not yours?"
Peter: "Uh, well, it becomes ours."
Joanna: "How is that not stealing?"


howisthatnotstealing.wav

Joanna: "Oh, okay. So, you're gonna make a lot of money, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Right? That's not yours?"
Peter: "Uh, well, it becomes ours."
Joanna: "How is that not stealing?"


muchbiggertray.wav

Peter: "I don't think, uh-- I don't think that I'm explaining this very well."
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Um, the 7-Eleven, right?"
Joanna: "Mm-hmm."
Peter: "You'd take a penny from the tray."
Joanna: "From the crippled children?"
Peter: "No, that's the jar. I'm talking about the tray. The-- You know, the pennies f-for everybody."
Joanna: "Oh, for everybod-- Okay."
Peter: "Yeah, well, those are whole pennies."
Joanna: "Right."
Peter: "Alright? I'm just talking about fractions of a penny here. Okay? But we do it from a much bigger tray and we do it a couple of million times."


justseemswrong.wav

Peter: "So what's wrong with that?"
Joanna: "I don't know. It just seams wrong."
Peter: "It's not wrong. Initech is wrong. Initech is an evil corporation. Alright? Chotchkie's is wrong. Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?"
Joanna: "Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register."
Peter: "Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear."
Joanna: "What?!"


lookatme.wav

Smykowski: "I know how you get depressed about your job and all and I just wanted you to know that I know how you feel. I used to be the same way."
Peter: "Really?"
Smykowski: "Sure! Well, maybe I didn't whine as much, but I bet I hated my job even more than you. And I've been doing it for over 30 years."
Peter: "Wow."
Smykowski: "Just remember, if you hang in there long enough, good things can happen in this world. I mean, look at me."


whydoyouask.wav

Rob Newhouse, Smykowski's Lawyer (Kyle Scott Jackson): "Conjugal visits? Not that I know of. Minimum-security prison is no picnic. I have a client in there right now. He says the trick is, kick someone's ass the first day or become someone's bitch. Then everything will be alright. Why do you ask anyway?"
Michael: "Oh, no, we were just-- (He throws his cup of ice all over) Sorry. Sorry."
Samir: "It's uh--"


luckybastard.wav

Drew: "That's somethin' about old Swykowski, huh?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Lucky bastard."


sheherewith.wav

Drew: "Isn't that the girl that works over at Chotchkie's?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Who's she here with?"
Peter: "She's with me."
Drew: "Really?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Drew: "Alright, Peter. Ooh! Ooh! Right on. Make sure you wear a rubber, dude."
Peter: "Why is that' Drew?"
Drew: "Are you kidding me? She gets around. Alright?"
Peter: "She does, does she?"
Drew: "Oh, yeah, like a record."
Peter: "Like, with who?"
Drew: "Oh, let's see, uh-- Hell, Lumbergh bleep ed her."


oohooh.wav

Drew: "Ooh! Ooh!"


weararubber.wav

Drew: "Make sure you wear a rubber, dude."


likearecord.wav

Drew: "Are you kidding me? She gets around. Alright?"
Peter: "She does, does she?"
Drew: "Oh, yeah, like a record."


lumberghBLEEPedher.wav

Drew: "Hell, Lumbergh bleep ed her."


sleepwithlumbergh.wav

Joanna: "So, what if-- Oh. What if you get caught? I-- Oh, I-I-I just don't know if this was such a good idea?"
Peter: "Yeah, well maybe it wasn't such a good idea for you to sleep with Lumbergh."
Joanna: "What?! What are you-- Oh, right, Lumbergh."
Peter: "Aah! Oh, god, Lumbergh."
Joanna: "Peter, what is wrong with you? That was, like, two years ago. What, did you know him?"
Peter: "Yeah, I know him. I know him. He's my boss. He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!"
Joanna: "Oh, he's not that disgusting."
Peter: "He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him."
Joanna: "Hey! That is none of your business. Okay? I didn't ask you who you slept with before we were together. I don't care."
Peter: "Well, I did't think you slept with guys like Lumbergh!"
Joanna: "Listen to you. Who do you think you are? How dare you judge me. I mean, what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing wannabe criminal... m-m-man."
Peter: "Yeah, well, that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh."


thatdisgusting.wav

Peter: "He's my boss. He's my unholy, disgusting pig of a boss!"
Joanna: "Oh, he's not that disgusting."


soullessandwrong.wav

Peter: "He represents all that is soulless and wrong! And you slept with him."


criminalman.wav

Joanna: "I mean, what are you? You think you're some kind of, like, angel here? No, you're just this penny-stealing wannabe criminal... m-m-man."


tpsreportsasap.wav

Lumbergh: "Peter! What's happening? Um, could you get me thoso T.P.S. reports ASAP? Mm-kay?"


weneedtotalk.wav

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Joanna."
Joanna: "Yeah?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "We need to talk. Do you know what this is about?"
Joanna: "My, uh, flair?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Yeah. Or, uh, your lack of flair. Because, uh, I'm countng and I only see 15 pieces. Let me ask you a question, Joanna. What do you think of a person who only does the bare minimum?"
Joanna: "Huh. What do I thin-- Um, you know what, Stan? If you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair like your pretty boy over there, Brian, why don't you just make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself."
Joanna: "Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. (She flips him off) Alright? There's my flair. Okay? And this is me expressing myself. Okay? (She starts flipping everyone off) There it is. I hate this job! I hate this bleep damn job, and I don't need it!"


expressyourself.wav

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, I thought I remembered you saying that you wanted to express yourself."
Joanna: "Yeah. You know what? Yeah, I do. I do wanna express myself. Okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. (She flips him off) Alright? There's my flair. Okay? And this is me expressing myself. Okay? (She starts flipping everyone off) There it is. I hate this job! I hate this bleep damn job, and I don't need it!"


hatethisjob.wav

Joanna: "I hate this job! I hate this bleep damn job, and I don't need it!"


thisisaBLEEP.wav

Samir: "This is a bleep !"


30532613.wav

Michael: "What happened?"
Peter: "You tell me, Michael! It's your software!"
Samir: "Yes, it's your software."
Peter: "You know, corporate accounting is sure as hell gonna notice $305,3... 26.13, Michael!"


itdidwork.wav

Peter: "Michael, you said the thing was gonna take two years! What happened?! You said the thing was supposed work!"
Michael: "Technically, it did work."
Peter: "No, it didn't!"
Samir: "It did not work, Michael! Okay?"
Michael: "Okay, okay, okay!"
Samir: "Okay!"
Michael: "Okay."


mundanedetail.wav

Michael: "I must've put a decimal point in the wrong place or something. Shit, I always do that. I always mess up some mundane detail."
Peter: "Oh! Well, this is not a mundane detail, Michael!"
Michael: "Hey, quit getting pissed at me. Alright? This was all your idea, bleep hole!"
Peter: "Alright, okay, alright, let's try not to get pissed off at each other. Alright? Let's just calm down, let's try to figure this thing out together."


receiveapiece.wav

Nina: "Now, Milton, don't be greedy. Let's pass it along and make sure everyone get's a piece."
Milton: "Okay, but last time I didn't receive a piece, and I was told that I could ha--"
Nina: "Just pass."
Milton: "Okay."


cakeratio.wav

Milton: "The ratio of people to cake is too many."


Icouldset.wav

Milton: "I could set the building on fire."


givethemoneyback.wav

Samir: "I-Is there some way to just give the money back?"
Peter: "What, do you mean, just hand them a check for the exact amount they're missing? I-I think they'd figure that out."
Samir: "Well, we have to do something."


cokehead.wav

Michael: "May-Maybe we could launder the money."
Peter: "That's a great idea. Okay, how do we do that?"
Michael: "I don-- I don't know. I don't even know what it means. I was hoping you knew. I think-- I think coke dealers do it."
Peter: "Okay, alright, do we know any coke dealers?"
Michael: "M-My cousin's a cokehead."


indeepBLEEP.wav

Michael: "bleep . We're in deep bleep ."
Samir: "Yes, we are in very, very deep bleep ."


cockroach.wav

Lumbergh: "Milton."
Milton: "Yes?"
Lumbergh: "What's happening?"
Milton: "I wanted to speak to you--"
Lumbergh: "Say, Milton, you know what'd be great?"
Milton: "Wh-- No."
Lumbergh: "Since you're down here, it would be really great if you could just sort of take care of the cockroach problem we've been having in here."
Milton: "No, that's not really my job, and I-- I haven't received my paycheck this week--"
Lumbergh: "So, for now, why don't you get yourself a flashlight and a can of pesticide..."


excuseme.wav

Milton: "Excuse me? Excuse me? Well, okay, but that's the last straw."


thelaststraw.wav

Milton: "Well, okay, but that's the last straw."


moneylaundering.wav

Michael: "Uh, launder. To clean-- No. Wash-- Here it is. To conseal the source of money as by channeling it through an intermediary. To conseal a source of money--"
Samir: "That-- That doesn't really help us, Michael."
Peter: "I can't believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We're looking up money laundering in a dictionary."
Michael: "Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass. Okay?"


eatmyassokay.wav

Michael: "Yeah, well, you guys can both eat my ass. Okay?"


wouldhavehooves.wav

Michael: "Yeah. Who'd you think I meant, Bill? bleep in' their children would have hooves."


addictedtocrack.wav

Steve, Magazine Salesman (Orlando Jones): "Good evening, sir. My name is Steve. I come from a rough area. I used to be addicted to crack, but now I'm off and trying to stay clean."
Peter: "Okay."
Steve: "That is why I am selling magzine subscriptions."
Peter: "No."
Steve: "And I was hoping you could help me out--"
Michael: "W-W-Wait a minute. You used to be addicted to crack?"
Steve: "Yeah, b-- Um, w-- Look, I'm very sorry. I do not know anything about any money laundering."
Michael: "No, we're n-- We're not asking you about money laundering. All we need is for you to hook us up with the right people, so that--"
Peter: "Michael, if he doesn't know anybody he wants to hook us up with, he doesn't know anybody."
Samir: "N-N-No, wait-- wait a minute. L-Look. You just give us the name of one drug dealer. I mean, I could talk to him. I have good networking skill-- I--"
Steve: "I lied. All that stuff I said about being a crackhead just helps me sell magazines. I'm actually an unemployed software engineer."


subscriptionstovibe.wav

Peter: "You're a software engineer?"
Steve: "Yep."
Samir: "Things, uh, must be very rough for you."
Steve: "Actually, man, I make more money selling magazine subscriptions than I ever did at Initrode."
Michael: "At Initrode?"
Peter: "Wait a minute. You're not gonna tell anybody about all this stuff we told you. I mean, we know a lot of the same people. That's--"
Steve: "Actually, um, that all depends. (Hinting towards his magazine clipboard)"
Peter: "What am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Vibe?"


newtoitthough.wav

Michael: "You know what I can't figure out? How is it that all these stupid, Neandethal mafia guys can be so good at crime and smart guys like us can suck so badly at it?"
Samir: "We're new to it, though. If we had more experience--"


poundmeintheassprison.wav

Michael: "Even if we could launder money, I wouldn't want to. What we've done is bad enough. We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white-collar resort prison. No, no, no, we're going to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison."


verybadperson.wav

Samir: "You are a very bad person, Peter."


BLEEPinupmylifetoo.wav

Peter: "Lawrence, you awake?"
Lawrence: "Yeah."
Peter: "You wanna come over?"
Lawrence: "No, thanks, man. I don't want you bleep in' up my life too."


heinouscrimes.wav

Judge (Jack Betts): "And in light of the senselessness of these heinous crimes that you have committed against Ititech, I hereby sentence you, Michael Bolton and Samir Naan-- Nanadajibad to a term of no less than four years in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Peter Gibbons, you've led a trite and meaningless life. And you're a very bad person."


flippedoffmyboss.wav

Peter: "You're not working at Chotchkie's anymore, huh?"
Joanna: "No. No, I got fired."
Peter: "What happened?"
Joanna: "I flipped off my boss, some customers, actually a line cook, but he just happened to be standing there, so--"


thatwasabadidea.wav

Peter: "I might be going away for a while, uh... to jail. You were right about that computer scam. That was a bad idea."


happywithmylife.wav

Peter: "I may never be happy at my job, but I think that if I could be with you, that I could be happy with my life."


getaroomyoutwo.wav

Brian: "Whoa, hey, what's goin' on here? Get a room, you two. Ha ha! Neeee! Hya ha ha ha ha."
Joanna: "I hate that guy."


ihatethatguy.wav

Joanna: "I hate that guy."


talktopayroll.wav

Milton: "Then Mr. Lumberg told me to talk to Payroll and then Payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh. And I- I still haven't received my paycheck, and he took my stapler. And he never brought it back. And they moved my desk to storage room B and there was garbage on it. And I don't appreciate--"
Peggy, Lumbergh's Secretary: "Um, well, why-- why don't you go back down an sit at your desk. Mr. Lumbergh should be here any minute."
Milton: "No, Mr. Lumbergh."
Peggy: "Just go sit at your desk."
Milton: "But--"
Peggy: "Okay?"
Milton: "Okay, but I-- I-- I'm gonna just-- I'm telling you right now, my desk is located in the basement."


itsmystapler.wav

Milton: "I'm just gonna have to take my stapler back. Because it's my stapler, and I told Mr.-- It's my-- It's-- It's my stapler. It's a swingline. And I've been using it for a long time. It doesn't bind up nearly as much."


heypeterman.wav

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter, man."


itsabummerdude.wav

Peter: "So, I might be going away for a while."
Lawrence: "Yeah, I know, man. It's a bummer, dude. What can I say?"


yourcornhole.wav

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter."
Peter: "Yeah?"
Lawence: "Watch out for your cornhole, bud."


thatstoastedman.wav

Lawrence: "Well, you don't want that, Peter, man. That's toasted, man."


makinbucks.wav

Peter: "This isn't so bad, huh? Makin' bucks, getting exercise, working outside."
Lawrence: "bleep in'-A."
Peter: "bleep in'-A."


BLEEPin-a.wav

Lawrence: "bleep in'-A."


BLEEPin-a2.wav

Peter: "bleep in'-A."


biggrainsofsalt.wav

Milton: "Excuse me. Excuse me, Señor. May I speak to you, please? I asked for a mai tai, and they brought me a piña colada. And I said no salt-- no salt for the mararita, but it had salt on it."
Mexican Waiter (Ruperto Reyes): "Lo siento mucho, señor. Pinche gringo."
Milton: "Lo siento? If this happens again, I won't be leaving a tip. 'Cause I could-- I could shut this whole resort down. Sir? I could take my traveler's checks to a competing resort. I could write a letter to your board of tourism and I could have this place condemned. I could put-- I could put strychnine in the guacamole. There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt."


strychnine.wav

Milton: "I could put-- I could put strychnine in the guacamole."


saltontheglass.wav

Milton: "There was salt on the glass. Big grains of salt."


bonerollercoaster.wav

Drew: "Give her a ride on the old bone roller coaster. Aaaaaah!"


backinadress.wav

Lawrence: "Hey, don't come back in a dress, man! You big fag!"


hootersnow.wav

Joanna: "I'm working at Hooters now, you know, and it's very cool."


pistolpointcocked.wav

Michael Bolton (David Herman): "(Singing along to "No Tears" by Scarface) I've got my pistol pawn cocked. Ready to lay shots nonstop until I see your monkey ass drop. And let your homies know who done it."


motherBLEEPter.wav

Samir Nagheenanajar (Ajay Naidu): "Mother bleep ter, son of a... ass!"


dismissed.wav

Milton Waddams (Stephen Root): "I was told that if I was late again, I would be summarily dismissed."


corporateaccounts.wav

Nina (Kinna McInroe): "Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment. Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment. Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment."


newcoversheets.wav

Bill Lumbergh (Gary Cole): "Hello, Peter. What's happening? Uh, we have sort of a problem here. Yeah, you apparently didn't put one of the new cover sheets on your T.P.S. reports."
Peter Gibbons (Ron Livingston): "Oh, yeah. I'm sorry about that. I-I forgot."
Lumbergh: "Mm, yeah. You see, we're putting the cover sheets on all T.P.S. reports now before they go out. Did you see the memo abouth this?"
Peter: "Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I have the memo right here. I just, uh, forgot. But, uh, it's not shipping out till tomorrow, so there's no problem."
Lumbergh: "Yeah. If you could just go ahead and make sure you do that from now on, that would be great. And, uh, I'll go ahead and make sure you get another copy of that memo. Mm-kay? Bye-bye, Peter."
Peter: "Yeah, yeah, no, I have-- I have the memo. I've got it. It's right..."

 

Bill Lumbergh

So Peter…
Yeah hi…
Problem here…
Mkay…
Go ahead…
Um, yeah…

Hawaiian day…
Answer machine…

Peter

Missing work…
Don’t Care…
Pieces of flair…
Job security…
Mondays…

Words to live by…


Samir and Michael Bolton

Horrible idea…
PC load letter?
Paper jam…
Michael Bolton…
Pound me in the…
This is a suck…

Janitor…


The Bobs

What do you do…
Fire on Friday…
Missing work…
Not gonna work…

Mike Judge


More flair…
Bare minimum…

Laurence


Million dollars…
Corn hole…

Milton


My stapler…

Payroll problems…
On fire…

Oh


By popular demand…
“O” Face…

Bonus:
Extreme fajitas…


whatspappening.wav

Lumbergh: "Hello, Peter. What's happening?"


mmyeah.wav

Lumbergh: "Mm, yeah."


reasonablevolume.wav

Peter: "Milton, hi, uh, could you turn that down just a bit?"
Milton: "Well, I-I was told that I could listen to the radio at a reasonable volume from 9:00 to 11:00..."
Peter: "Yeah, no, no, I know you're allowed to. I uh-- I was just thinking maybe like, you know, a personal favor, you--"
Milton: "Well, I-I told Bill that if-if Sandra's going to listen to her headphones while she's-- while she's filing, then I should be able to listen to the radio while I'm collating. I don't see why..."
Peter: "Okay."
Milton: "...I should have to turn down the radio..."
Peter: "Yeah, alright."
Milton: "...'cause I enjoy listening at a reasonable volume..."
Peter: "Thanks."
Milton: "...from 9:00 to 11:00..."
Peter: "Milton."


yourtpsreports.wav

Dom Portwood (Tom Bays): "Hi, Peter. What's happening? We need to talk about your T.P.S. reports. "
Peter: "Yeah, the cover sheet. I know. I know. Uh, Bill talked to me about it."
Dom: "Yeah. Did you get that memo?"
Peter: "Yeah, I got the memo. And I understand the policy and the problem is just that I forgot the one time and I've already taken cae of it, so it's not even really a problem anymore."
Dom: "Ah, yeah. It's just we're putting new cover sheets on all the T.P.S. reports before they go out now. So, if you could just go ahead and try to remember to do that from now on, that'd be great. Alright!"


outthewindow.wav

Samir: "No, not again, I-- Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to god, one of these days, I-I-I-I just kick this piece of bleep out the window."
Michael: "You and me both, man. The thing is lucky I'm not armed."
Samir: "Piece of bleep ."


paperjam.wav

Samir: "Why does it say paper jam when there is no paper jam? I swear to god, one of these days, I-I-I-I just kick this piece of bleep out the window."


theirnames.wav

Female Temp (Jennifer Jane Emerson): "Sam Ire-- Na-- Na-- Na-- Naga--"
Samir: "No, please."
Female Temp: "Uh-huh."
Samir: "Please."
Female Temp: "Michael... Bolton?"
Michael: "That's me."
Female Temp: "Wow. Is that your real name?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Female Temp: "So, are you related to that singer guy?"
Michael: "No, it's just a coincidence."
Female Temp: "Oh."
Michael: "(Mutters indistinctly)"
Samir: "No one in this contry can ever pronounce my name right. I-It's not that hard-- Na ee nana ja, Nagheenanajar."
Michael: "Yeah, well, at least your name isn't Michael Bolton."
Samir: "You know, there's nothing wrong with that name."
Michael: "There was nothing wrong with it, until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys."
Samir: "Hmm, well, why don't-- Why don't you just, uh, go by Mike instead of Michael?"
Michael: "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."


gotochotchkies.wav

Peter: "Hey, guys."
Michael: "What's up, G.?"
Peter: "Wanna go to Chotchkie's, get some coffee?"
Samir: "Oh, it's a little early."
Peter: "I gotta get out of here. I think I'm gonna lose it."
Female Temp: "Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."


caseofthemondays.wav

Female Temp: "Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays."


oneofthesedays.wav

Peter: "Boy, I tell you. Some days. One of these days it's just gonna be like-- (Imitates Machine Gun)"
Brian, Chotchkie's Waiter (Todd Duffey): "(Imitates Machine Gun and laughs) So, can I get you gentelemen something more to drink, or maybe something to nibble on? Some pizza shooters, shrimp poppers or extreme fajitas?"
Peter: "Just coffee."
Brian: "Okay. Sounds like a case of the Mondays."


jobsecurity.wav

Peter: "What if we're still doing this when we're 50?"
Samir: "It would be nice to have that kind of job security."


notapussy.wav

Peter: "Lumbergh's gonna have me work on Saturday. I-I can tell already. I'm gonna end up doing it because, uh, because I'm a big pussy, which is why I work at Initech to begin with."
Michael: "Uh, yeah, well, I work at Initech, and I don't consider myself a pussy, Okay?"
Samir: "Yes, I am also not a pussy."


bigtime.wav

Michael: "In fact, they're gonna find out the hard way I'm not a pussy if they don't start treating their software people better."
Samir: "That's right."
Michael: "They don't understand. I could program a virus that would rip that place off big time."
Peter: "Yeah."
Michael: "Big time."


hypnotherapist.wav

Peter: "Oh, that reminds me. I'm not going to be able to play poker with you guys on Friday."
Michael: "Why not?"
Peter: "I'm gonna see this, uh, occupational hypnotherapist with Anne."
Michael: "Dude, an occupational hypnotherapist?"
Peter: "Yeah, I-I know. Anne wants me to go. She thinks it might help. I'm-- You know, sometimes I think I-- I get thinking that she's cheating on me."
Michael: "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Samir: "Yeah."
Peter: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Michael: "Nothing. Look, why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker with us."
Peter: "No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. And besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. I mean, he did help Anne lose weight."
Samir: "Peter, she's anorexic."
Peter: "Yeah, I know. The guy's really good."
Michael: "Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist gonna help you solve any of your problems. Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems. What's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports?"
Samir: "Yeah, didn't you get that memo?"


cheatingonme.wav

Peter: "You know, sometimes I think I-- I get thinking that she's cheating on me."
Michael: "Yeah, I know what you mean."
Samir: "Yeah."
Peter: "What is that supposed to mean?"
Michael: "Nothing."


anorexic.wav

Michael: "Look, why don't you just tell Anne that you're not into hypnosis and you wanna play poker with us."
Peter: "No, I can't do that. She'll get all pissed off. And besides, I think that the guy might actually be able to help. I mean, he did help Anne lose weight."
Samir: "Peter, she's anorexic."
Peter: "Yeah, I know. The guy's really good."


yourproblems.wav

Michael: "Yeah, well, I don't think any occupational hypnotherapist gonna help you solve any of your problems. Okay? Hey, and speaking of problems. What's this I hear about you having problems with your T.P.S. reports?"
Samir: "Yeah, didn't you get that memo?"


heartattack.wav

Tom Smykowski (Richard Riehle): "Peter!"
Samir: "Is that Smykowski?"
Smykowski: "Samir!"
Samir: "What's he doing?"
Michael: "Oh, probably working on another heart attack."


downsize.wav

Smykowski: "I've been looking all over for you guys. Have you seen this? I knew it. I knew it."
Michael: "What? It's a staff meeting. So what?"
Smykowski: "So what? We're all screwed, that's what. They're gonna downsize Initech."
Samir: "Now, what are you talking about, Tom? Now, how do you know that?"
Smykowski: "How do I know? They're bringing in a consultant, that's how I know. That's what this staff meeting is all about. It happened a Initrode last year. You have to interview with this consultant. They call them 'efficiency experts'. But what you're really doing is interviewing for your own job."
Michael: "Tom, every week you say you're going to lose your job, and you're still here."
Smykowski: "Not this time. I bet I'm the first one laid off. Just the thought of having to go to the state unemployment office to stand in line with those scumbags!"


thepetrock.wav

Smykowski: "You know there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this bleep . Like that guy that invented the Pet Rock? You see, that's what you have to do. You have to use your mind and come up with some really great idea like that. And you can make millions, never have to work again."
Michael: "You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea?"
Smykowski: "Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars."


allthisBLEEP.wav

Smykowski: "You know there are people in this world that don't have to put up with all this bleep ."


conclusionsmat.wav

Michael: "You think the Pet Rock was a really great idea?"
Smykowski: "Sure it was. The guy made a million dollars. You know, I had an idea like that once, a long time ago."
Peter: "Really, what was it, Tom?"
Smykowski: "Well, alright. It was a 'jump to conclusions' mat. You see, it would be this mat that you would put on the floor and would have different conclusions written on it that you could jup to."
Michael: "That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom."
Samir: "Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea."


worstidea.wav

Michael: "That is the worst idea I've ever heard in my life, Tom."
Samir: "Yes. Yes, it's horrible, this idea."


stillhaveajob.wav

Smykowski: "I'll see you guys later, if I still have a job."


milliondollars.wav

Peter: "Our high school guidance counselor used to ask us what you would do if you had a million dollars, didn't have to work. And then, invariably, whatever you'd say, that was supposed to be your career. So if you wanted to fix old cars, then you're supposed to be an auto mechanic."
Samir: "So what did you say?"
Peter: "I nev had an answer. I guess that's why I'm working at Initech."
Michael: "No. You're working at Initech 'cause that question is bullbleep to begin with. If everyone listened to her, there'd be no janitors because no one would clean bleep up if they had a million dollars."


investhalf.wav

Samir: "You know what I would do if I had million dollars? I would invest half of it in low-risk mutual funds and then take the other half of it to my friend Asadusah, who works in, uh, securities..."
Michael: "Samir. Samir, you're missing the point. The point of the exercise is that you're supposed to figure out what you want to do if-- (Printer beeps) P.C. load letter? What the bleep does that mean?"


pcloadletter.wav

Michael: "P.C. load letter? What the bleep does that mean?"


checkoutthischick.wav

Lawrence (Diedrich Bader): "Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! Check out this chick!"
Peter: "Damn it, Lawrence, can't you just pretend like we can't hear each other through the wall?"
Lawrence: "Oh, sorry, man! Anne over there or something?"
Peter: "No, but if you wanna talk to me, just come over."


checkoutchannel9.wav

Lawrence: "Hey, Peter, man! Check out channel 9! Check out this chick!"


cheatingonme2.wav

Peter: "Aw, geez, Lawrence."
Lawrence: "I'm sorry, man. I though you'd wanna see this. Doesn't that chick look like Anne?"
Peter: "Yeah. A little bit. I--"
Lawrence: "Hey, she hasn't been over here in a while. You two still goin' out?"
Peter: "Yeah, I guess. I-I don't know. Sometimes I get the feeling like she's cheating on me."
Lawrence: "Yeah, I get that felling too, man."
Peter: "What do you mean by that?"
Lawrence: "I don't know, man. I just get that felling lookin' at her, like she's the type of chick that would just-- (groans) Oh, I'm sorry, man. Look, I-I-- You know, I'm talkin' outta my ass. I don't know nothin'."
Peter: "Forget it. Don't worry. It's alright. I Just-- I had a rough day."


thedrywall.wav

Peter: "I had a rough day."
Lawrence: "Tell me about it, man. I gotta wake my ass up at 6:00 a.m. every day this week, drag up to Las Colindas. Yeah, I'm doin' the drywall up there at the new McDonald's."


BLEEPnoman.wav

Peter: "Let me ask you something. When you come in on Monda and you're not fellin' real well does anyone ever say to you, 'Sounds like someone has a case of the Mondays.'?"
Lawrence: "No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked, sayin' somethin' like that, man."


getoutofthat.wav

Lawrence: "We still goin' fishin' this weekend?"
Peter: "Nah, Lumbergh' gonna have me come in on Saturday. I just know it."
Lawrence: "Well, you can get out of that easily."
Peter: "Yeah, how?"
Lawrence: "Well, when a boss wants you to work on a Saturday, he generally asks you at the end of the day, right?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Lawrence: "So all you gotta do is avoid him... (He's offered a bottle opener and he reaches into his pocket) That's alright, I got it. ...on the last few hours on Friday, duck out early, turn off your answering machine, you should be home free, man."
Peter: "That's a really good idea."
Lawrence: "bleep in'-A, man."


BLEEPinaman.wav

Lawrence: "bleep in'-A, man."


twochicks.wav

Peter: "Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?"
Lawrence: "I tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man."
Peter: "That's it? If you had a million dollars, y-you'd do two chicks at the same time?"
Lawrence: "Damn straight. I've always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire, I could hook that up too. 'Cause chicks dig dudes with money."
Peter: "Well, not all chicks."
Lawrence: "Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do."
Peter: "Good point."


twochicks2.wav

Peter: "Lawrence, what would you do if you had a million dollars?"
Lawrence: "I tell you what I'd do, man. Two chicks at the same time, man."


iwoulddonothing.wav

Lawrence: "Well, what about you now? What would you do?"
Peter: "Besides two chicks at the same time?"
Lawrence: "Well, yeah."
Peter: "Nothing."
Lawrence: "Nothin', huh?"
Peter: "I would relax. I would it on my ass all day. I would do nothing."
Lawrence: "Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do bleep ."


dontdoBLEEP.wav

Peter: "I would do nothing."
Lawrence: "Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothin', man. Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do bleep ."


consultant.wav

Lumbergh: "Okay then, um-- I'd like to go ahead and welcome, uh, a new member to our team here. This is, uh, Bob Slydell. Yeah. Uh-- Bob is a consultant. Yeah. He's gonna be sort of, uh, helping us out a little here. Asking us some questions, maybe seeing if there are some ways we can make things run a little more smoothly around here. Yeah."


hawaiianshirtday.wav

Lumbergh: "Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and, uh, wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans."


thatsgreatmilton.wav

Milton: "I-I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. Because, I told-- I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time then I'm-- I'm quitting-- I'm going to quit. And I told Dom too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year. And I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married. But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler."
Peter: "Okay, Milton."
Milton: "And, oh, no, it's not okay because if they make me-- if they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."
Peter: "Okay' well, that sounds, uh, that sounds great. Uh, I'll talk to you later, alright? Bye."


goingtoquit.wav

Milton: "I-I said I don't care if they lay me off, either. Because, I told-- I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time then I'm-- I'm quitting-- I'm going to quit."


thesquirrels.wav

Milton: "They've moved my desk four times already this year. And I used to be over by the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married."


buildingonfire.wav

Milton: "But then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler. But I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler."
Peter: "Okay, Milton."
Milton: "And, oh, no, it's not okay because if they make me-- if they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."


takemystapler.wav

Milton: "If they-- If they take my stapler then I'll-- I'll have to-- I'll set the building on fire."


gonnaneedyouto.wav

Lumbergh: "Um... I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9:00, that would be great. Mm-kay? Oh, oh, and I almost forgot. Uh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, 'kay? We, um, lost some people this week and uh, we need to sort of play catch-up. Thanks."


gonnaneedyou2.wav

Lumbergh: "Um... I'm gonna need you to go ahead and come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9:00, that would be great. Mm-kay?"


thatwouldbegreat.wav

Lumbergh: "That would be great."


mm-kay.wav

Lumbergh: "Mm-kay?"


thanks.wav

Lumbergh: "Thanks."


thatsmessedup.wav

Peter: "Ever since I started working, um, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
Dr. Swanson (Michael McShane): "What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Dr. Swanson: "Wow, that's messed up."


zonkmeout.wav

Peter: "Is there any way that you could, sort of, just zonk me out so that, like, I-I don't know that I'm at work... in here? Could I come home and think that I've ben fishing all day, or something?"


usualtime.wav

Lumbergh: "(Phone rings) Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh. It's about 10:00. Yeah, just, uh, wondering where you are. (Phone rings again) Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumbergh again. Uh, I just wanted to make sure you knew that we did start at the, um, usual time this morning. Yeah, it isn't a half day or anything like that. So, if you could just go ahead and get here as soon as possibre, that would be terrific."


awayfrommydesk.wav

Lumbergh: "Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lum-- Yeah, it's-- Yeah, hi. It's Bill Lumber-- Yeah, it's me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. Just checking in, in case you called while I was gone."


hello.wav

Peter: "Hello"


didntfeellikeit.wav

Peter: "Hello?"
Anne (Alexandra Wentworth): "Peter, what's going on?"
Peter: "Huh?"
Anne: "It's 3:30, why aren't you at work?"
Peter: "Because I-- I-- I didn't feel like it."


cheetingonyou.wav

Anne: "Peter, what's gotten into you? First you just sit there while Dr. Swanson dies. Then you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my friends. And don't blame this on hypnosis, either. That's total bull-- (He hangs up on her) (Phone ring again and the answering maching picks it up) Listen, bleep hole. Nobody hangs up on me. We're through. Oh, uh, and one more thing. I've been cheating on you!"


lunchtoday.wav

Peter: "Hi, I'm Peter."
Joanna (Jennifer Aniston): "Hi, can I help you?"
Peter: "What are you doin' for lunch today?"
Joanna: "Uh, well, our specials today are blackened chicken and-- It's actually right there on the board. Excuse me."
Brian: "Hey, look who's back! Table for three to-- (Peter sidesteps him)"
Peter: "I was askin' what you were doin' for lunch. Would you like to have lunch with me?"
Joanna: "Are you-- Are you serious?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Yeah. Um, I don't-- I don't, uh-- I don't think I'm supposed to do that."
Peter: "Oh, okay. Well, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'm gonna go next door and get a table. And if you'd like to join me, uh, no big deal, alright? And if not, that's cool too. Okay?"
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Alright."
Joanna: "When you say, next door, do you mean, uh, Chili's or-or Flinger's?"
Peter: "Flinger's."
Joanna: "Okay."


whatyoudoatinitech.wav

Bob Slydel (John C. McGinley): "What you do at Initech is, you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers."
Smykowski: "Yes. Y--Yes. That's-- That's right."
Bob Porter (Paul Wilson): "Well, then I just have to ask, why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the-- to the software people, huh?"
Smykowski: "Well, I'll tell you why. Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh. So, you physically take the specs from the customer?"
Smykowski: "Well... no. M-My secretary does that, or they're faxed."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh."
Bob Porter: "So then you must physically bring them to the software people."
Smykowski: "Well... no. I mean, sometimes."
Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"
Smykowski: "Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the bleep damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!"


dealingwith.wav

Bob Slydel: "What you do at Initech is, you take the specifications from the customers and you bring them down to the software engineers."
Smykowski: "Yes. Y--Yes. That's-- That's right."
Bob Porter: "Well, then I just have to ask, why couldn't the customers just take them directly to the-- to the software people, huh?"
Smykowski: "Well, I'll tell you why. Uh, because... engineers are not good at dealing with customers."


physically.wav

Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh. So, you physically take the specs from the customer?"
Smykowski: "Well... no. M-My secretary does that, or they're faxed."
Bob Slydel: "Uh-huh."
Bob Porter: "So then you must physically bring them to the software people."
Smykowski: "Well... no. I mean, sometimes."
Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"


youdohere.wav

Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"


wrongwithyoupeople.wav

Bob Slydel: "What-- What would you say you do here?"
Smykowski: "Well, look, I already told you. I deal with the bleep damn customers so the engineers don't have to. I have people skills! I am good at dealing with people! Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?!"


youaremichaelbolton.wav

Bob Slydell: "Let's see... You are Michael... Bolton?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Bob Porter: "Is that your real name?"
Michael: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Are you any realation to the pop singer?"
Bob Porter: ""
Michael: "No, it's-- It's just a coincidence."
Bob Slydell: "Because, I'll be honest with you. I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan."
Bob Porter: "Me too."
Bob Slydell: "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'."
Bob Porter: "But you must really love his music, huh?"
Michael: "Yeah, he's-- he's-- he's pretty-- He's pretty good, I uess."
Bob Slydell: "You're bleep damn right, he is."
Michael: "Right."
Bob Porter: "So, tell me. What's your favorite song of his?"
Michael: "Mmm... I don't-- I don't know. I mean, I guess I sort of like them all."
Bob Slydell: "That's a riot. I'm the exact same way. But it must be twice as hard for you, being having the same name as him. I celebrate the guy's entire catalog. Anyway, let's get down to business, Michael."
Michael: "You know, you can just call me Mike."


micaelboltonfan.wav

Bob Slydell: "I'll be honest with you. I love his music. I do. I'm a Michael Bolton fan."
Bob Porter: "Me too."
Bob Slydell: "For my money, I don't know if it gets any better than when he sings 'When a Man Loves a Woman'."


prettygoodiguess.wav

Michael: "Yeah, he's-- he's-- he's pretty-- He's pretty good, I uess."
Bob Slydell: "You're bleep damn right, he is."


entirecatalog.wav

Bob Slydell: "I celebrate the guy's entire catalog."


reallyniceisit.wav

Joanna: "Wow! This place is really... nice."
Peter: "Yeah... Is it?"


aboutmyflair.wav

Peter: "We're not in Kansas anymore."
Joanna: "Yeah, really."
Peter: "It's on your--"
Joanna: "Oh! Yeah, that's-- That's-- That's, uh-- That's one of my-- my pieces of flair."
Peter: "What's a piece of flair?"
Joanna: "Oh, it's, uh, where, you know, like these suspenders and, uh, the buttons are all sort of-- we're re-- We're actually required to wear, um, 15 pieces of flair. It's really stupid, actually."
Peter: "Do you get to pick 'em yourself?"
Joanna: "Yeah, yeah, we do. Although I didn't actually chose these. I, um-- I just, sort of, grabbed, you know, 15 buttons and just-- I don't even know what they say. You know, I don't-- I don't really care. I don't really like talking about my flair."
Peter: "Okay."


wheredoyouwork.wav

Joanna: "So, where do you work, uh, Peter?"
Peter: "Initech."
Joanna: "And, yeah, what-- what do you do there?"
Peter: "I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch."
Joanna: "What's that?"
Peter: "Well, see, they worte all this bank software and, uh, to save space, they used two digits for the date instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998. Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh-- It doesn't really matter. I, uh, don't like my job, and, uh. I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."
Joanna: "You're just not gonna go?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Won't you get fired?"
Peter: "I don't know. But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go."
Joanna: "So, you're gonna quit?"
Peter: "Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh-- I'm just gonna stop going."
Joanna: "When did you decide all of that?"
Peter: "About an hour ago."
Joanna: "Oh, really."
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "About an hour ago."
Peter: "So, you gonna get another job?"
Joanna: "I don't think I'd like another job."
Peter: "Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and--"
Joanna: "You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either."


notgonnago.wav

Peter: "I, uh, don't like my job, and, uh. I don't think I'm gonna go anymore."
Joanna: "You're just not gonna go?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Won't you get fired?"
Peter: "I don't know. But I really don't like it and, uh, I'm not gonna go."
Joanna: "So, you're gonna quit?"
Peter: "Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh-- I'm just gonna stop going."


payingbills.wav

Peter: "So, you gonna get another job?"
Joanna: "I don't think I'd like another job."
Peter: "Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and--"
Joanna: "You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either."


watchkungfu.wav

Joanna: "Uh, well, so what do you wanna do?"
Peter: "I wanna take you out to dinner and then I want to go back to my apartment and watch Kung Fu. Do you ever watch Kung Fu?"
Joanna: "I love Kung Fu."
Peter: "Channel 39."
Joanna: "Totally."
Peter: "You should come over and watch Kung Fu tonight."
Joanna: "Okay."
Peter: "Great."
Joanna: "Okay. Can we order lunch first?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Joanna: "Okay."


moveyourdesk.wav

Lumbergh: "Hi, Milton. What's happening?"
Milton: "I'm sorry?"
Lumbergh: "Um, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and move your desk again."
Milton: "Eh-- What? No."
Lumbergh: "So, if you could go ahead and get it as far back against that wall as possible, that would be great."
Milton: "No, no, because I was-- I was told I no longer to move my desk--"
Lumbergh: "That way, we'll have some room for some of these boxes and things we need to put in here."
Milton: "There 's no room."
Lumbergh: "And, uh-- Oh. Oh, there it is."
Milton: "What? If--"
Lumbergh: "Here, let me just go ahead and get that from you. (Lumbergh takes his stapler)"
Milton: "Mm!"
Lumbergh: "So, if you could just get to that as soon as possible, that would be terrific. Mm-kay? Thanks a bunch, Milton."
Milton: "But--"
Lumbergh: "Good-bye."
Milton: "Well, okay, but, I could set the building on fire."


buildingonfire2.wav

Milton: "Well, okay, but, I could set the building on fire."


consultants.wav

Michael: "Peter."
Peter: "Michael."
Michael: "What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting."
Peter: "No. I just came to get my address book. I'm not gonna stay. I got a phone number, Mike, that I don't wanna lose."
Michael: "What? Peter, you're in deep bleep . You were supposed to come in on Saturday. What were you doing?"
Peter: "Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."
Michael: "Well, I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh. You know, you're supposed to be having your interview right now with the cunsultants."
Peter: "The who?"
Michael: "The consultants. What has gotten into you?"
Peter: "Oh, yeah. Right."
Michael: "Wait, Peter. Peter. You gotta postpone it, man. Tell 'em you've been sick. Make something up."
Peter: "Oh, no way. No, I feel great. It's the best day of my life."


startshooting.wav

Michael: "What the hell's going on, man? I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting."


ididnothing.wav

Peter: "I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be."


hibobbob.wav

Bob Slydell: "I'm Bob Slydell. This is my associate Bob Porter."
Peter: "Oh, hi, Bob. Bob."


dayatwork.wav

Bob Slydell: "You see, what we're actually trying to do here is we're just-- We're trying to get a feel for how people spend their day at work. So, if you would, would you walk us through a typical day for you?"
Peter: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Great."
Peter: "Well, I generally come in at least 15 minutes late. Uh, I use the side door. That way Lumbergh can't see me. And, uh, and after that I sort of space out for about an hour."
Bob Porter: "Uh, space out?"
Peter: "Yeah. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for, uh, pobably another hour after lunch too. I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."
Bob Slydell: "Uh, Peter, would you be a good sport and indulge us and just tell us a little more?"
Peter: "Oh, yeah. Let me tell you about T.P.S. reports."


spaceout.wav

Peter: "And after that I sort of space out for about an hour."
Bob Porter: "Uh, space out?"
Peter: "Yeah. I just stare at my desk, but it looks like I'm working. I do that for, uh, pobably another hour after lunch too. I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."


actualwork.wav

Peter: "I'd say in a givin week, I probably do about 15 minutes of real, actual work."


themotivation.wav

Peter: "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care."
Bob Porter: "Don't-- Don't care?"
Peter: "It's a problem of mitivation, alright. Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see a dime. So where's the motivation? And here's something else, Bob. I have eight different bosses right now."
Bob Slydell: "I beg your pardon?"
Peter: "Eight bosses."
Bob Slydell: "Eight?"
Peter: "Eight, Bob. So that means that when I make a mistake, I have eight diffenert people coming by to tell me about it. That's my only real motvation is not to be hasseled. That and the fear losing my job. But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."


ijustdontcare.wav

Peter: "The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy. It's that I just don't care."


justhardenough.wav

Peter: "That's my only real motvation is not to be hasseled. That and the fear losing my job. But you know, Bob, that'll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired."


hypothetical.wav

Bob Slydell: "What if, and believe me, this is so hypothetical, but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity-sharing program? Would that do anything for you?"
Peter: "I don't know. I guess."


imgonnago.wav

Peter: "Listen, I'm gonna go. Uh, it's been really nice talking to both of you guys."
Bob Slydell: "Absolutely. The pleasure's been all on this side of the table, trust me."
Peter: "Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well."
Bob Slydell: "Okay."
Bob Porter: "Thanks a lot."
Bob Slydell: "Great."
Bob Porter: "Yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Wow."


withyourlayoffs.wav

Peter: "Good luck with your layoffs, all right? I hope your firings go really well."


aboutyourflair.wav

Stan, Chotchkie's Manager (Mike Judge): "We neen to talk about your flair."
Joanna: "Really? I-I have 15 pieces on. I also--"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Well, 15 is the minimum, okay?"
Joanna: "Oh, okay."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Now, you know, it's up to you whether or not you wanna just do the bare minimum or, uh-- Well, like Brian, for example, has 37 pieces of flair on today. And a terrific smile."
Joanna: "Okay, so you want me to wear more?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Look, Joanna--"
Joanna: "Yeah?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "People can get a cheeseburger anywhere, okay?"
Joanna: "They come to Chotchkie's for the atmosphere and the attitude. Okay? That's what the flair's about. It's about fun."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Yeah. Okay, so more then, yeah?"
Joanna: "Look, we want you to express yourself. Okay? Now, if you feel that the bare minumum is enough, then okay. But some people choose to wear more and we encourage that. Okay? You do wanna express yourself, don't you?"
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Y-Yeah."
Joanna: "Okay, great, great. That's all I ask."
Stan, Chotchkie's Manager: "Okay."


hesuseless.wav

Bob Slydell: "Right, so there's three more people we can easily lose. And then there's Tom Smykowski. He's useless. Gone."
Dom: "Sounds good to me."


fixedtheglitch.wav

Bob Slydell: "Here's a peculiar-- Uh, Milton Waddams."
Dom: "Who's he?"
Bob Porter: "You know, squirrely-looking guy. Mumbles a lot."
Dom: "Oh, yeah."
Bob Slydell: "Yeah, we-- we can't actually find a record of him being a current employee here."
Bob Porter: "I looked into it more deeply, and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago, and no one ever told him about it. But through some glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck."
Bob Slydell: "So we just went ahead and fixed the glitch."
Lumbergh: "Great."
Dom: "So, uh, Milton has been let go."
Bob Slydell: "Well, just a second there, professor. We, uh, we fixed the glitch so he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore so it'll just work itself out naturally."
Bob Porter: "We always like to avoid conrontation whenever possible. The problem is solved from your end."


straightshooter.wav

Bob Slydell: "I'd like to move us right along to a Peter Gibbons. Now, we had a chance to meet this young man, and boy, that's just a straight shooter with upper management written all over him."
Lumbergh: "Ooh. Yeah, um-- I'm gonna have to go ahead and sort of disagree with you there. Yeah, uh, he's been real flaky lately and I'm just not sure that he's the caliber person that we would want for upper management. He's also been having some problems with his T.P.S. reports."
Bob Porter: "I'll handle this. We feel that the problem isn't with Peter."
Bob Slydell: "Mm-mmm."
Bob Porter: "It's that you haven't challenged him enough to get him really motivated."
Bob Slydell: "There it is."
Lumbergh: "Yeah, uh, uh, well, I'm just not sure about that right now."


thesetpsreports.wav

Bob Slydell: "Yeah, Bill, let me ask you a real quick question here. How much time would you say you spend each week deaing with these T.P.S. reports?"
Lumbergh: "Yeah."


withthebobs.wav

Lumbergh: "So, Peter, what's happening? Uh, now, are you going to go ahead and have those T.P.S. reports for us this afternoon?"
Peter: "No."
Lumbergh: "Ah, yeah. So I guess we should probably go ahead and have a little talk, hmm?"
Peter: "Not right now, Lumberg. I'm-- I'm kinda busy. In fact, I'm going to have to ask you to go ahead and just come back another time. I got a meeting with the Bobs in a couple of minutes."
Lumbergh: "Uh, I wasn't aware of a meeting with them."
Peter: "Yeah, they called me at home. (Scoffs)"


thisfixedup.wav

Lumbergh: "That sounds good, Peter. And, uh, we'll go ahead and get this all fixed up for you. great."